IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

"Art is considered an essential part of all cultures througout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interests in the arts?"

#art #part #cultures #througout #world #people #focus #science #technology #business #interests #arts
Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world.
However
, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to
science
,
technology
 and
business
. Why do you think
that is
? What could be done to encourage more people to take
interest
Suggestion
an interest
 in the arts? It is undeniable that nowadays more and more people show great appreciation of fundamental areas
such
 as
science
,
technology
, and
business
instead
 of the arts
such
 as music, theatre, literature, etc.
in
Suggestion
In
this
 essay, I will explain that phenomenon and offer real solutions to the problem.
To begin
 with, in a complex and modern society, the material human needs take priority over the spiritual ones.
Therefore
, people who work in the fields of
science
,
technology
, and
business
 are likely to earn a lot of money more than those working in the art area because those three areas can produce things which can satisfy material human demands
such
 as cars, foods, trains, medicine, etc.
As a result
, more and more young students who want to get a well-paid job in their
future
 careers
such
 as engineers, doctors, pilots, etc.
will
Suggestion
Will
 choose to study majors
such
 as
science
,
technology
, and
business
 at the university
in stead
in place of, or as an alternative to
instead
 of following the dream to be an artist.
Consequently
, there has been a dramatic decrease in the number of people working in the arts and may be in the
future
 the art area will become extinct.
Secondly
, what should be done to solve the problem? There are many effective solutions can be done to encourage people to be more interested in artworks. One of the remedies is that the government should offer the
public free
Accept comma addition
public, free
 admission to
gallery
Suggestion
the gallery
galleries
. Especially, there should be national campaigns to educate people, especially young children on the meaning of the arts so that they can understand how important the arts
to
Suggestion
in
into
 their spiritual lives. The
second
 measures to deal with the problem is that there should be
scholarship
Suggestion
a scholarship
 to financially support
artistic
Suggestion
art
 students so that they can follow their dreams to be
future
 artist and artistic students should be taught
business
 subjects on the curriculum so that they can learn how to turn artistic ideas or concepts into
business
 ones and make money to support their lives in the
future
. In a
nut shell
the shell around the kernel of a nut
nutshell
, even though
technology
,
science
, and
business
 play an important role in building our modern society, the arts
such
 as music, theatre, or literature, etc.
should
Suggestion
Should
 be never looked down on because our lives rely on not only material things but
also
 spiritual ones.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: