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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the table below shows us the numbers of visitors to ashdown museum during the year before and the year after i was refurbished. the charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the table below shows us the numbers of visitors to ashdown museum during the year before and the year after i was refurbished. the charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table shows us the
visitors
Use synonyms
 to the Ashdown museum with exact numbers. From
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 we can see
visitors
Use synonyms
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased
due to
Linking Words
 the refurbishment. It is almost twenty thousand
visitors
Use synonyms
 more than before refurbishment. Below the table, we can see two pie charts which indicate the results of
survey
Correct article usage
the survey
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
satisfaction
Correct article usage
the satisfaction
show examples
 of the
visitors
Use synonyms
. There are five different categories which are very satisfied, satisfied, dissatisfied, very dissatisfied and no response. Those charts illustrate a huge difference between the percentage before and after refurbishment with both. Very satisfied and dissatisfied.Very satisfied
visitors
Use synonyms
 parsonage has increased
while
Linking Words
dissatisfacted
Correct your spelling
dissatisfaction
dissatisfied
visitors
Use synonyms
 have decreased. If we compare satisfied
visitors
Use synonyms
 and very dissatisfied it is
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as the two facts
before
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we discussed.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
I meant one kind of percentage
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 grown which is satisfying and another has gone down. But the difference is
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
. Only one category
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 not changed
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is the percentage of
visitors
Use synonyms
 who did not answer the survey.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • refurbishment
  • visitor numbers
  • satisfaction levels
  • very satisfied
  • satisfied
  • neither satisfied nor dissatisfied
  • dissatisfied
  • very dissatisfied
  • survey results
  • comparison
  • impact
  • effectiveness
  • visitor experience
  • overall improvement
  • increase/decrease in visitors
  • positive feedback
  • negative feedback
  • visitor survey
  • survey period
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