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Writing Samples
Band 5

The Pie chart gives information about the country of birth of people living in Australia and the table shows where people born in these countries live.

The Pie chart gives information about the country of birth of people living in Australia and the table shows where people born in these countries live.
#information #country #birth #people #australia #countries
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The bar chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
Correct your spelling
percentage
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of the whole
Use synonyms
world
Change noun form
world's
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 in four countries
such
Linking Words
 as
India
Use synonyms
,
China
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 in
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 1950 to 2003
also
Linking Words
Use synonyms
prediction
Add an article
a prediction
show examples
 for 2050 In 1950,
China
Use synonyms
 was the most
Use synonyms
population
Replace the word
populated
show examples
 region around the
world
Use synonyms
registered
Wrong verb form
registering
show examples
 23%,
While
Linking Words
Indian
Correct article usage
the Indian
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 registered 15% of the
world
Use synonyms
 and
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 side people live in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 7% , but
Japan
Use synonyms
only
Add a missing verb
had only
show examples
5
Add a missing verb
has 5
show examples
% less
population
Use synonyms
 in comparison
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
other area
Change the wording
another area
other areas
show examples
. In 2003,
Use synonyms
India
Change noun form
India's
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 slightly incline
while
Linking Words
China
Use synonyms
,America and
Japan
Use synonyms
 decline in the figure.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
china
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1950 to
2003
Change the article
the 2003
show examples
 year
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the list and
India
Use synonyms
Linking Words
second
Add a missing verb
was second
show examples
,
USA
Use synonyms
Linking Words
third
Add a missing verb
was third
show examples
 and
last
Linking Words
Use synonyms
japan
Change preposition
in japan
show examples
 .
China
Use synonyms
apply
Change the verb form
applies
show examples
 good law and rules in which her area and awareness
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
 her people that reason saw
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
a population
show examples
 decrease in some year. In 2050,
India
Use synonyms
 is predicted to
population
Use synonyms
 slightly increased to nearly 20% and in
china
Use synonyms
 some
population
Use synonyms
decrase
Correct your spelling
decrease
.
Japan
Use synonyms
 slightly fall in
population
Use synonyms
 in 2050 only3
%
Correct article usage
a %
show examples
prediction
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 remain constant
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2003 to 2050
prediction
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
 ,
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 start of
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
china
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
highest
hihest
Correct your spelling
highest
population
Use synonyms
 in the
world
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
second
Linking Words
,
American
Replace the word
America
show examples
third
Linking Words
 and
japan
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
last
Linking Words
 but after
prediction
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
 top in the chart
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
china
Use synonyms
second
Linking Words
 and
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,
Use synonyms
japan
Correct word choice
and japan
show examples
last
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
till 2050 Sent from my iPhone

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, second, third, while".
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words world, population, india, china, usa, japan, prediction with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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