The graph below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age.

#show #music #albums #people #britain #sex #age

The three

chart

Change to a plural noun

charts

show examples

compares between kinds of

music

albums

that

Change the verb form

are

show examples

chosen

Change preposition

apply

show examples

according to

age and gender in England. It is clearly seen that the amount large of males are more likely to spend more money than females on three types of

music

Rock

is one of the most popular categories

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

suitable

Add a missing verb

is suitable

show examples

for buyers from 16 to 44

years

old and purchasing classical

music

albums

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

mostly over 45

ones

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

According to

the age group,

rock

music

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

preffered

Correct your spelling

preferred

by 25 to 34

years

, around 30%, followed by pop

music

and classical ones respectively. 16 to 24

years

old British bought 29%

rock

Change preposition

of rock

show examples

music

while

their percentage for buying classical

music

significant

Change the adjective

significantly

show examples

less, only 1%. But a completely different trend can be observed among the British over 45

years

who

prefered

Correct your spelling

preferred

classical over pop and

rock

music

. Among the 35 to 44

years

age group chose 25%

for

Change preposition

show examples

both

rock

and pop,

approximately

Correct word choice

and approximately

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

classical

music

Submitted by thuynguyen17022001 on Fri Mar 20 2020

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words music, rock, years with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.

▼

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

161 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The graph below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age.

You agreed to take a particular job over the summer, but due to unforeseen circumstances, you can no longer take the position. Write a letter including: - Explaining your situation - An apology - Express that you would be interested in the position next summer

Some people say that it is possible for a county to be both economically successful and have a clean environment. Others disagree. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other. Others argue that people have become more independent. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In many countries people have to go away from their family and friends to find work. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

some people believe that university students should work part time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?