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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graph below shows the number of library books read by boys and grils at Starmounth School from 2006 to the present. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the graph below shows the number of library books read by boys and grils at Starmounth School from 2006 to the present. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph gives information about the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
boys
 and girls reading
books
 in the Starmount School
Library
. It shows the trends between 2009 and 2012. These trends
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
followed a similar pattern from 2009 to 2011. During the three years, the reading number of the
boys
 always have been more than that
girls
Change preposition
of girls
show examples
.
However
, girls read more
books
 in the
library
 than
boys
 from 2011 to 2012. During the first year of the chart’s information, the number of the
books
 which the
grils
Correct your spelling
girls
 read
incerased
Correct your spelling
increased
 slowly. Since 2010, the reading volume of the reader who is a female in the
library
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 risen sharply. After that, the data reached a peak in 2012. Between 2009 and 2011, there was a gradual increase in
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 which
boys
read
Wrong verb form
reading
show examples
. In 2011, the whole
students
Correct quantifier usage
number of students
show examples
 reading in the
library
 reach 100
books
.
Next
 year, the number of
books
 that
boys
 read
fall
Correct subject-verb agreement
falls
show examples
significant
Change the word
significantly
show examples
 and
reach
Correct subject-verb agreement
reaches
show examples
 80
books
.
Overall
, it is an upward trend of
books
 read by
grils
Correct your spelling
girls
 and
boys
 in the Starmount School
Library
.
However
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
boys
 reading
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been
Change preposition
on an
show examples
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 downward trend in recent years.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, books, library with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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