IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people say it is a good idea for all employees to wear a uniform at work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #idea #employees #uniform #work
Wearing a uniform at the workplace is preferred by some
people
. I agree that dressing up
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 same type of clothes should be a must,
this
 essay will discuss the importance of looking professional from a customer's perspective,
also
 saving lots of money that might be spent on buying new seasonal clothes. Admittedly, putting on
Correct article usage
a spicific
show examples
spicific
Correct your spelling
specific
 kind of outfit is likely to be more professional, mainly because,
enabling
Wrong verb form
enables
show examples
 the customers to identify the workers
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
 other random
people
, not only with identification, but it will help them to determine their duties and responsibilities, as it will be written on their suitcases,
therfore
Correct your spelling
therefore
, nobody will ask who is doing what,especially when
ot
Correct your spelling
it
 comes to crowded and busy offices,
for example
, the bank-worker are likely to wear same
colored
Change the spelling
coloured
show examples
 and style of suitcases with
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 ID on,
furthermore
, some
emploees
Correct your spelling
employees
 used to wear casual, informal pieces
togather
Correct your spelling
together
,
as a result
, it will be challenging for them to come up with formal style,
thus
, having
a pre-decided forms
Correct the article-noun agreement
a pre-decided form
pre-decided forms
show examples
 for everyone
considerd
Correct your spelling
considered
considers
 to be the best solution to avoid
unofficial
Add an article
the unofficial
show examples
 look.
On the other hand
, is obviously saving us a lot of money, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other words,
people
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 too much
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cash in order to purchase their needs for each season,
in particular
,
clothing's
Change the noun form
clothings
clothing
show examples
. It is costly for a working person who needs to have both formal and everyday
wears
Fix the agreement mistake
wear
show examples
 in the closet,
moreover
, new trends and expensive branded items are highly encouraging the consumer to shop
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 opportunities and occasional offers,
as a result
, one clean form for every working day will help significantly with reduction of expenditures on new wears. In conclusion, some
people
 are encouraging the uniform which is a reasonable point to be followed in order to keep professional
out-looks
Correct your spelling
outlooks
show examples
 and save
clothing related
Add a hyphen
clothing-related
show examples
 expenses.
Submitted by zeynebjihad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To improve task response, provide a clearer stance on the topic and ensure all arguments relate back to the main question.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on organizing the essay in a more logical manner. Use clear transitions between ideas and ensure each paragraph contributes to the overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: