IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people believe that technology has made men more sociable, and others think that it has made us less sociable.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Technology
Use synonyms
 has revolutionised every aspect of human
life
Use synonyms
.Many individuals opine that advancement in
technology
Use synonyms
 enable us to stay more social;
nevertheless
Linking Words
 others find
this
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 development as negative
impect
the striking of one body against another
impact
impacts
 on social interactions.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the both sides of arguments in detail and
then
Linking Words
 personal viewpoint will be put forward. New innovations in the
technology
Use synonyms
 are enhancing social connections in several ways.
Firstly
Linking Words
, social networking websites are providing
independent platform
Suggestion
an independent platform
 to users while remain connected with each other.
Therefore
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everone
all people
everyone
 remain updated about what is going on in the society.For examples, nowadays all people update their daily routine events on social media websites like Facebook and Twitter.
Secondly
Linking Words
, electronic gadgets are providing new connections all over the globe.
This
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 is because of
wide range
Suggestion
a wide range
the wide range
 of
technology
Use synonyms
 development in
ervery
(used of count nouns) each and all of the members of a group considered singly and without exception
every
 part of
world
Suggestion
the world
.Physical distance barriers between individuals are broken down by the
technology
Use synonyms
. On
contrary
Suggestion
the contrary
, new advancements in
technology
Use synonyms
 are putting adverse effect on general society as
whole
Suggestion
a whole
.
To begin
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 with, the direct contact between community members has been lost due to virtual connectivity.In
this
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way face-to-face
Accept comma addition
way, face-to-face
 meeting
are becoming
Suggestion
is becoming
 rare these days.
For instance
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onlice
on a regular route of a railroad or bus or airline system
online
 video conferencing engines like Skype
,
Accept space
,
Google Duo
are enabling
Suggestion
is enabling
 users to talk with multiple people
at
Suggestion
in
single time frame
Suggestion
a single time frame
.Apart
form
a giver or sender
from
this
Linking Words
, these gadgets are making people homesick.Owing to low physical movement young generation is facing health problems like obesity and high
cholestrole
an animal sterol that is normally synthesized by the liver; the most abundant steroid in animal tissues
cholesterol
 levels. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
 has facilitated human professional
life
Use synonyms
 in
enormous way
Suggestion
enormous ways
an enormous way
the enormous way
, personal
life
Use synonyms
 direct in person contact has been lost
upto
Suggestion
huge extent
Suggestion
a huge extent
.Real time communication over virtual world cannot replace the real time experience of meeting people with one another in any aspect. To conclude, developments in
technology
Use synonyms
has put
Suggestion
have put
deterimental effect
Suggestion
a detrimental effect
detrimental effect
 on real social
life
Use synonyms
 of all
community
Suggestion
communities
 as explained in the above paragraphs.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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