IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

industrialised countries provided more employer to the fields. in 1990, the number of people passed sixty people. Last graph is not suprized due to expenses of the schooling and employement. In the passed then years, the govern gave more money from the 150 billions to over 300 billions. To the sum, the development needs more money, educated people and employers, thus the graph was revealed that high discripancies among the countries.

industrialised countries provided more employer to the fields. in 1990, the number of people passed sixty people. Last graph is not suprized due to expenses of the schooling and employement. In the passed then years, the govern gave more money from the 150 billions to over 300 billions. To the sum, the development needs more money, educated people and employers, thus the graph was revealed that high discripancies among the countries.
#countries #employer #fields #people #sixty #expenses #employement #years #govern #money #billions #sum #development #employers #discripancies
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The three bar
graphs
Use synonyms
 illustrate that education and science have an effect on the developing and industrialised
countries
Use synonyms
 which are classified by
years
Use synonyms
, the number of per
people
Use synonyms
 and
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
in 1980 and 1990. A glance at the
graphs
Use synonyms
reveal
Change the verb form
reveals
show examples
 that the developed
countries
Use synonyms
 care about three sections
according to
Linking Words
graphs
Use synonyms
. First of all,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 education is important in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developed
countries
Use synonyms
. As it is seen
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
graphs
Correct article usage
the graphs
show examples
 show that over the
eight year
Add a hyphen
eight-year
show examples
 education increased by ten
years
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 the developing
countries
Use synonyms
 raised educated person's number smaller than
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
.
Linking Words
Second
Change the article
The second
show examples
 graph shows the same value
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 others.
However
Linking Words
, in the ten
years
Use synonyms
, industrialised
countries
Use synonyms
 provided more
employer
Replace the word
employment
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the fields. in 1990, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 passed sixty
people
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Last
Change the article
The last
show examples
 graph is not
suprized
Correct your spelling
surprised
due to
Linking Words
 expenses of the schooling and
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
. In the
passed
Correct your spelling
past
show examples
then
Linking Words
years
Use synonyms
, the
govern
Replace the word
government
show examples
 gave more money from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
150
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
 to over 300
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
. To
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sum,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
development needs more money, educated
people
Use synonyms
 and employers,
thus
Linking Words
 the graph
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
revealed
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
high
discripancies
Correct your spelling
discrepancies
 among the
countries
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by wesab90961 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words graphs, countries, years, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 7 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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