IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The diagram below shows the life cycle of a species of large fish called salmon

The diagram below shows the life cycle of a species of large fish called salmon
#life #cycle #species #fish #salmon
The diagram
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
illustrates
processes
Correct article usage
the processes
show examples
 of
life
Add an article
the life
show examples
 cycle of a species of large fish named the
salmon
.
The first step is
 that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
salmon
 start
his
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 life as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 egg under the reeds
approximately
Change preposition
for approximately
show examples
 five to six months in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 upper river with a
slow moving
Add a hyphen
slow-moving
show examples
. And
then
 when they became
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fry with
measure
Add an article
a measure
show examples
 between three and eight
centimeters
Change the spelling
centimetres
show examples
 in length they
are go
Change the verb form
are going
show examples
 to the lower river in a fast flowing approximately for 4 years.
Subsequently
Add a comma
,Subsequently
show examples
 the fry became smolt and with a 12-15cm in
length
Add a comma
,length
show examples
 they reach during
this
 time after which migrated to the open sea and there they habited about five years. After five years they reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult size
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means adult
salmon
 from 70 to 76cm. In conclusion, the
salmon
 passed through three areas and the process of becoming mature. Each
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
habitat place
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 place in
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
 aquatic location.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words salmon with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!