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Writing Samples /
Band 6

The graph shows average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The graph shows average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#expenditures #cell #phone #services #information #features #comparisons
The line graph compares
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
 yearly spending on mobile and landline
phones
 by American consumers over a period of ten years.
It is clear that
 spending on residential
phones
 fell steadily over the 10-year period,
while
 cell
phones
Change the noun form
phone
show examples
 expenditure increased sharply. In 2001, consumers in the US spent on average by far the highest amount , roughly $700 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
residential
phone
services
, and less than a
third
 of that on landline
phones
, at just over $200. Over the following 5 years, the yearly spending on landline
phones
 saw a
dramatical
Replace the word
dramatic
show examples
 decline ,
whereas
 there was a sharp growth in cell
phone
services
.
However
, both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
services
 met
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same record in 2006, at about $550. From 2006 to 2010, the average yearly expense for mobile
phone
services
 had risen gradually, but the figure for residential
phone
services
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fell
Change the verb form
fallen
show examples
 slightly. By 2010, expenditure on mobile
phones
 had reached around $750,
while
 the figure for spending on residential
services
 had fallen to just over half
this
 amount.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the
residential
Correct quantifier usage
number of residential
show examples
phone
 user declined tremendously and cell
phone
 users increased in the USA during the period
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from 2001 to 2010.
Submitted by duonghuyen9x on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "it is clear that, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words phones, phone, services with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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