The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in London 2000-2010
The line graph illustrates the
trend
of profit in Sofia
, Cake
lab
and Buns in London over the first 10-years
from 2000.
In General.At the beginning of year two Correct your spelling
10 years
bakeries
Change noun form
bakeries'
trend
was shown a
few results; Correct article usage
apply
however
, at the end
of
a steeply boomed, Change preposition
apply
while
the revenue of Buns declares an enormous fall in 2010.
In Correct word choice
apply
group
of Add an article
a group
the group
Sofia
's production, sale
average quantity Fix the agreement mistake
sales
of
over Change preposition
apply
first
Correct article usage
the first
5-years
Correct your spelling
5 years
nearly
60.000, Add a missing verb
was nearly
at
the same Correct word choice
and at
time
Add a comma
,time
Cake
Lab
's income reached to
Change preposition
apply
this
bakery sharply climbed almost 2009 by 60.000.Till this
result the trend
showed a slight fluctuation once between 2002 and 2005.At the end
of both trends dramatically rocketing
. Wrong verb form
rocketed
Sofia
became the most popular bakery and a
sharp growth income Add a missing verb
had a
by
almost 40.000 at 100.000 in 2010 compared to Change preposition
of
Cake
Lab
a steep increase from 40.000 next
about 25.000 accordingly
.
With regard to Buns in beginning year was a record high by
Change preposition
with
annual
profit Correct article usage
an annual
nearly
80.000 Change preposition
of nearly
to compare
with Change the verb form
compared
Sofia
and Cake
Lab
.However
, the number of trend
presents more oscillations from 2000 to 2007.Fix the agreement mistake
trends
Finally
the bakery dramatically falls off in 2010 approximately 37.000.Add a comma
,Finally
Submitted by tukhtakulov98 on
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, however".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words trend, sofia, cake, lab with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "steeply" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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