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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in London 2000-2010

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in London 2000-2010
#data #earnings #three #bakeries #london
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The line graph illustrates the
trend
Use synonyms
 of profit in
Sofia
Use synonyms
,
Cake
Use synonyms
lab
Use synonyms
 and Buns in London over the first
10-years
Correct your spelling
10 years
 from 2000. In General.At the beginning of year two
bakeries
Change noun form
bakeries'
show examples
trend
Use synonyms
 was shown
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
few results;
however
Linking Words
,
at the end
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a steeply boomed,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the revenue of Buns declares an enormous fall in 2010. In
group
Add an article
a group
the group
show examples
 of
Sofia
Use synonyms
's production,
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 average quantity
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
5-years
Correct your spelling
5 years
nearly
Add a missing verb
was nearly
show examples
 60.000,
at
Correct word choice
and at
show examples
 the same
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
Cake
Use synonyms
Lab
Use synonyms
's income reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 bakery sharply climbed almost 2009 by 60.000.Till
this
Linking Words
 result the
trend
Use synonyms
 showed a slight fluctuation once between 2002 and 2005.
At the end
Linking Words
 of both trends dramatically
rocketing
Wrong verb form
rocketed
show examples
.
Sofia
Use synonyms
 became the most popular bakery and
a
Add a missing verb
had a
show examples
sharp growth income
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 almost 40.000 at 100.000 in 2010 compared to
Cake
Use synonyms
Lab
Use synonyms
 a steep increase from 40.000
next
Linking Words
 about 25.000
accordingly
Linking Words
. With regard to Buns in beginning year was a record high
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
annual
Correct article usage
an annual
show examples
 profit
nearly
Change preposition
of nearly
show examples
 80.000
to compare
Change the verb form
compared
show examples
 with
Sofia
Use synonyms
 and
Cake
Use synonyms
Lab
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the number of
Use synonyms
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
 presents more oscillations from 2000 to 2007.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
show examples
 the bakery dramatically falls off in 2010 approximately 37.000.
Submitted by tukhtakulov98 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, however".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words trend, sofia, cake, lab with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "steeply" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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