IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect it. To what extent do you agree?

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I agreed with the statement above that emphasized on the
prevention
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 of
health
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 problems and illness which is more important than
treatment
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 and
medicine
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. As the saying goes ‘
prevention
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 is better than cure’. It is more suitable for us to do proper
prevention
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 than having
treatment
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 in
last
Linking Words
 minute. The government funding should more concentrate on the support for the
prevention
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 methods. The main reason why is because
prevention
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 of
health
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 problems and illness which raise the awareness among the citizens can help to reduce the
treatment
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 costs incurred when diagnosed. It is because the
treatment
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 costs of any diseases will be definitely higher than costs for
prevention
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 which can be zero costs sometimes. As we felt sick, there will be several fees required for the
treatment
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 like fees for visiting doctors’ advice, pills fees and sometime physical
treatment
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 fees required. It can be seriously lead to death if it is diagnosed at the
last
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 minute and there are no ways to treat.
Besides
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, the other reason is because
prevention
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 of
health
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 problems is an effective way to maintain or increase a healthier body. The proper
prevention
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 method helps us to protect our immune system, while decreasing the chances to get sick.
Hence
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, there is no need to take
treatment
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 and
medicine
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 and we will able to create a healthy environment.
Consequently
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, a healthy environment can prevent the spread of virus and bacteria through people interaction or contact.
Then
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, the requirements for a large number of
medicine
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, facilities or blood problems can be minimized. Briefly, it showed that there are several reasons why
prevention
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 of
health
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 problems and illness is better than
treatment
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 and
medicine
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. Government should focus on the ways to promote citizen’s awareness in
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prevention
Suggestion
the prevention
 of their
health
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 problems so that the healthy environment can be created.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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