IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people feel that goverments should take a large proportion of people's salaries to pay for necessary services such as roads and school. Other feel that high taxes are a bad thing. Discuss both of view and your own opinion

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There is an ongoing controversy in society regarding how the necessary
services
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 provided by the government should be funded. Some opine
it
Correct word choice
that it
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 should charge higher taxes;
whereas
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,
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apply
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 others view that high taxes are bad.
This
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 essay will evaluate both views and conclude with my opinion. On one side of the viewpoint, people say a larger proportion should be taken from earnings.
This
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tax
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 is
then
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 revenue for the authority to fund spending on providing goods and
services
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. The more the funds, the more the provision of public goods.
Thus
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, taxes from the income earners give more in return to them ,
such
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 as
,
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 more education institutes available for their children, smoother roads and improved healthcare.
In addition
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,
tax
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 is the main source of revenue for the
nation
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. Without these, the government will not be able to pay for its current expenditure or capital expenditure. It is impossible to run a
nation
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 without money. If they are not collected, the other available source of earnings would be the proceeds generated from
services
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such
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 as utilities and public transportation.
However
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, to be able to provide these
services
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, the state needs to spend on the infrastructure , which would not be possible without these contributions.
On the other hand
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 of the argument, the public is opposed to the idea of taxation.
This
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 can be because of corruption in some countries.
For instance
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, the state could be providing less than its maximum potential and slipping some funds into the politicians' pockets.
Furthermore
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, the
tax
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 scheme may be unfair.
For example
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, wealthier individuals pay a smaller proportion than poorer ones.
This
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 means that the burden of the
tax
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 falls more heavily on the poorer population rather than the wealthier ones. Take ,
for instance
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, the VAT collected by Thai officials. It amounts to 7%. Everyone pays equally , but it is considered regressive as it falls more heavily on those in poverty. In conclusion, the government should take a higher proportion of duty from income. Capital is needed to fund infrastructure projects , and to build a
nation
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 on borrowed funds would be the biggest mistake a
nation
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 would make.
However
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, the system should be properly organised , and it should be fair and free from corruption.

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task response
Answer both sides more evenly. You explain why tax is needed well, but the side against high tax is a bit shorter.
task response
Make your own view very clear from the start and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Use simpler and more exact ideas in some places. A few lines are hard to follow because the meaning is not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some parts jump too fast from one point to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph, then explain it fully before moving on.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word order and grammar problems, because they sometimes make the flow less smooth.
task response
You answer both views and also give your own opinion in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You use examples like corruption and VAT to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs stay on the topic and have a clear purpose.
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