Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

These days most of the popular people are known for their richness and
attractiveness
Suggestion
attractive
rather their hard work and efforts which can send negative effect to the
society
. I completely admit to the fact that,
now a days
the period of time that is happening now; any continuous stretch of time including the moment of speech
nowadays
, young people are being intrigued by the attractiveness and lavish
life
of popular people in
society
which is leading to build a wrong perception and attitude towards the real definition of success in
life
. In order to start with,
firstly
there are many celebrities who are famous because of their looks and
attractiveness
Suggestion
attractive
and their
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
often has an adverse influence on the teenagers. They send out the message that in order to be popular, they have to be rich and beautiful. There are some who do not even mind in engaging acts which are disgraceful only to grab attention of the
society
and
media
Suggestion
the media
.
For example
, Sanjay
Bhatt who
Accept comma addition
Bhatt, who
is a film star, famous for his wealth and glamour got involved in anti-social element acts, addicted to drugs and went to prison.
This
gives
bad example
Suggestion
a bad example
to the
society
and his fans.
Secondly
celebrities
often represents
Suggestion
often represent
as a brand ambassador and endorses commercial branded products which earns them
lot
Suggestion
a lot
lots
of money and popularity.
This
eventually grab
Suggestion
eventually grabs
the attention of young people who follows them in various platforms like Facebook, twitter,
instagram
etc.
In
addition to
Accept comma addition
addition, these people claim
addition these people claim
addition to these people claim
this
people claim
themseleves
reflexive form of "them"
themselves
as fans of those celebrities and try to imitate their
life
style
with out
in absence of
without
realizing their efforts and hard work to become
an
Suggestion
a
celebrity. I would like to conclude here that the young people should not blindly follow their celebrities and built
an
Suggestion
a
perception about
life
however
they should realize that celebrities
wont
Suggestion
won to
won t
earn money and fame
with out
in absence of
without
putting any efforts. At the end of the day it is important to understand what each
indiviual
a human being
individual
want
Suggestion
wants
to become and have a goal to achieve in
life
.
Submitted by reshmamarathi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: