Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people

These days most of the popular people are known for their richness and

attractiveness

Suggestion

attractive

rather their hard work and efforts which can send negative effect to the

society

. I completely admit to the fact that,

now a days

the period of time that is happening now; any continuous stretch of time including the moment of speech

nowadays

, young people are being intrigued by the attractiveness and lavish

life

of popular people in

society

which is leading to build a wrong perception and attitude towards the real definition of success in

life

. In order to start with,

firstly

there are many celebrities who are famous because of their looks and

attractiveness

Suggestion

attractive

and their

behavior

manner of acting or controlling yourself

behaviour

often has an adverse influence on the teenagers. They send out the message that in order to be popular, they have to be rich and beautiful. There are some who do not even mind in engaging acts which are disgraceful only to grab attention of the

society

and

media

Suggestion

the media

For example

, Sanjay

Bhatt who

Accept comma addition

Bhatt, who

is a film star, famous for his wealth and glamour got involved in anti-social element acts, addicted to drugs and went to prison.

This

gives

bad example

Suggestion

a bad example

to the

society

and his fans.

Secondly

celebrities

often represents

Suggestion

often represent

as a brand ambassador and endorses commercial branded products which earns them

lot

Suggestion

a lot

lots

of money and popularity.

This

eventually grab

Suggestion

eventually grabs

the attention of young people who follows them in various platforms like Facebook, twitter,

instagram

etc.

addition to

Accept comma addition

addition, these people claim

addition these people claim

addition to these people claim

this

people claim

themseleves

reflexive form of "them"

themselves

as fans of those celebrities and try to imitate their

life

style

with out

in absence of

without

realizing their efforts and hard work to become

Suggestion

celebrity. I would like to conclude here that the young people should not blindly follow their celebrities and built

Suggestion

perception about

life

however

they should realize that celebrities

wont

Suggestion

won to

won t

earn money and fame

with out

in absence of

without

putting any efforts. At the end of the day it is important to understand what each

indiviual

a human being

individual

want

Suggestion

wants

to become and have a goal to achieve in

life

Submitted by reshmamarathi on Mon Mar 23 2020

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Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

315 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Creative artists should always be given the freedom to express their own ideas (in word, picture, music or films) in whichever way they wish. There should be no government restrictions on what they do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In some countries, there are more young people enrolled in work based training instead of attending university. Do the advantage of the situation outweigh the disadvantages.

Restoration of old buildings in main cities involves enormous government expenditure. It would be more beneficial to spend this money to build new houses and roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience.