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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational setting in the UK in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational setting in the UK in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given bar chart indicates the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of male and female
teachers
Use synonyms
 working in six levels of UK education in 2010. In general, the biggest difference in the distribution of male and female
teachers
Use synonyms
 was in
nursery
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the nursery
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. Meanwhile, the smallest
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 belonged to secondary
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 and private training
institute
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institutes
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. Specifically, the percentage of female
teachers
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 working in
pre-
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preschool
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school
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 was nearly 100%, which is almost 50 times as much as that of male
teachers
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 working in the same setting (2%). In terms of primary
school
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, the difference between the
proportion
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 of male and female instructors was about 12 times, dominated by that of females (92%).
However
Linking Words
, in university, female
teachers
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 accounted for only 30%, which is under
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half of
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proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of males working in the same setting level and the smallest
proportion
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 compared with the total one of female
teachers
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 in all six levels. The difference
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the distribution was narrowed in secondary
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 and private training
institute
Fix the agreement mistake
institutes
show examples
. The
proportion
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 of women working as
teachers
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 in secondary
school
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 was more than 50% which is greater than that of male
teachers
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 in the same setting by about 8%. In terms of the other category, private training
institute
Fix the agreement mistake
institutes
show examples
, the percentage of male
teachers
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 was larger than that of female ones by the same amount, about 8%.
However
Linking Words
, the percentages of both categories in college were exactly the same, about 50%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, teachers, school with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender distribution
  • educational setting
  • primary education
  • secondary education
  • nursery school
  • higher education
  • proportion
  • outnumber
  • trend
  • comparison
  • historical factors
  • social influence
  • teaching profession
  • data interpretation
  • balance
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