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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart shows the percentage of the total world population in 4 countries in 1950 and 2003, and projections for 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the percentage of the total world population in 4 countries in 1950 and 2003, and projections for 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart indicates the
overall
Linking Words
Use synonyms
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 in India,
China
Use synonyms
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, and Japan in the time frame 1950 and 2002, with an estimation for 2050 based on the presented data. It is apparent from the information presented that
China
Use synonyms
 dominated and had the highest percentage on the chart which covered nearly 23% of the total world
population
Use synonyms
 in 1950,
although
Linking Words
 it
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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slightly dropped to 20% in 2002.
However
Linking Words
, it was estimated that
this
Linking Words
 figure will continue to go down by 5% in 2050. In 1950, India came
next
Linking Words
 in line to
China
Use synonyms
 as the highest
Use synonyms
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
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 globally
covered
Wrong verb form
covering
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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15% of it.
Comparing
Wrong verb form
Compared
show examples
 to
China
Use synonyms
, India
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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gradually increased its
Use synonyms
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
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 up to 2002 and was projected to rise up to 18% in 2050. The USA and Japan just
covered
Correct your spelling
hovered
show examples
 around 8% and almost 4% of the total global
population
Use synonyms
 respectively in 1950.It is
also
Linking Words
 indicated that the
population
Use synonyms
 of the USA will remain steady in 2050 and interestingly, Japan will make a considerable fall
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 its
Use synonyms
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 in the same year.
Overall
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 it is apparent that
China
Use synonyms
 constituted the
population
Use synonyms
 growth globally, it is
also
Linking Words
 clear that the government has been trying to control the rising of its
number
Use synonyms
 of people in the near future.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, although, overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, population, china with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "indicates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Bar chart
  • World population
  • Percentage
  • Projection
  • Demographics
  • Trend
  • Significant change
  • Ranking
  • Shifts
  • Decline
  • Growth
  • Comparative
  • Population distribution
  • Notable
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Population dynamics
  • Data interpretation
  • Summarize
  • Trends over time
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