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Band 6.5

The bar chart illustrated the salt intake in six different-age groups in two genders in the USA in 2000.

The bar chart illustrated the salt intake in six different-age groups in two genders in the USA in 2000.
#bar #salt #intake #six #different-age #groups #two #genders #usa
The bar chart illustrated the
salt
 intake in six
different-age
Correct your spelling
different age
show examples
groups
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 two genders in the USA in 2000. A close look at the chart revealed that male
Americans
 consumed more
salts
 than female ones in all five
groups
.
Except
Add the preposition
forExcept
show examples
 the group of children under 6
years
 old,
Americans
 in the rest of
five
Correct article usage
the five
show examples
groups
 had consumed
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
salts
 higher than the
level
 recommended. The boys under 6
years
 old consumed about 2000mg of
salts
 daily, 500
mg
 lower than the recommended
level
.
However
,
consume
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 of
salts
 dramatically increased as the boys grew, with 3500mg by the group aged 6-11
years
 old and about 4300
mg
 by the group aged 12 -19
years
 old. The figure peaked at 4500mg by the adults aged 30-39
years
 old, about one time higher than the recommended
level
 and
then
 dropped gradually.
However
, the seniors over 60
years
 old still consumed about 3500mg, 1000mg higher than the recommended
level
.
The female
Correct article usage
Female
show examples
Americans
 consumed less
salt
. The figures presented a steady trend in the middle four
groups
 ( 6-11
years
 old, 12-19
years
 old, 39-40
years
 old and 40-60
years
 old) with about 2750mg. The females over 60
years
 old consumed the exact amount of
salt
 recommended. Girls under 6
years
 old only ate around 1800mg daily.
Overall
,
Americans
 tended to be fond of salty food. Males ate more
salt
 than females, especially in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adulthood between 20- 39
years
 old.
Submitted by busybee1693 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words salt, groups, americans, salts, years, level, mg with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrated" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • depicts
  • salt consumption
  • age groups
  • gender
  • differences
  • notable
  • intake
  • observed
  • high
  • consumption
  • tend to
  • lowest
  • trend
  • increases
  • implications
  • negative health effects
  • risk
  • hypertension
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • recommendations
  • encouraging
  • reduced
  • promoting
  • awareness
  • consequences
  • excessive
  • sodium
  • public health
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