IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#women #childcare #men #focus #children #life
Women are mothers by nature. In fact, they can take care of their kids and meet their needs better than men.
However
,
this
 women's feminist talent should not be used by some people to underestimate the power of women in the work field. In
this
 essay, I will discuss my view about supporting the women in working
life
, and explain the reasons behind my personal opinion. Certainly, women have many genuine characteristics that allow them to be superior at childcare tasks.
First
 of all, women are good listeners, they can listen to their kids carefully and understand them.
Moreover
, they are more patient than men, and whatever happened, they will be able to control themselves from being angry and think wisely to figure out a solution to the problem.
In addition
, women are remarkable multi-tasking workers. They can do many tasks at the same time while maintaining the quality, and
this
 is the key point behind their ability to do all of the home chores in a short period while maintaining their kids.
Although
 all of these could be true, that doesn’t mean they are not doing well in the working
life
. Working
life
 for women could support them to do better as mothers for many reasons.
First
, handling the work responsibilities and their due time might be beneficial for enhancing time management skills.
Also
, exposure to different personalities in the work environment would increase the skills of persuading and negotiations which are very useful to manage the kids.
Furthermore
, encountering obstacles and finding their solutions in job
life
 will help to build a solid source for the experiences and knowledge to back up her motherhood
life
.
Finally
, having a financially stable situation has an essential impact on her confidence as well as her role as mothers. To sum up, motherhood is a natural job for women because of their feminist traits.
However
, having
this
 responsibility as mothers toward their children should not contradict with their right to have a working
life
.
Moreover
, their jobs could perfect them as mothers by polishing some
life
 skills which support their motherhood
life
.
Submitted by alshareef.asma.ahmed on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • nurturing
  • empathy
  • sensitivity
  • maternal instinct
  • paternal involvement
  • child's development
  • work-life balance
  • gender equality
What to do next:
Look at other essays: