In some countries, university students live away from home and in another city while studying. Do you think the disadvantsges outweigh the advantages of living in another city?

#countries #university #students #home #city #disadvantsges

It is true that students, when they go to university, often decide to live away from home or in another area. I believe there are two disadvantages and one advantage of living independently. First of all,

money

can be a problem. When we live with our parents, we often forget about how much

money

we need to survive in

this

world. Since they cover everything, the only time we actually spend our

money

is when we buy something we

wanted

Wrong verb form

want

show examples

to.

However

, as soon as we move out of their house, we need to pay for everything without any help. Even though your parents can support you financially, you need to spend less

money

on clothes or cosmetics,

instead

, you need to allocate your monthly budget to many different sectors.

Furthermore

, some people might feel depressed when they start a new life in a new place. because they don't know anyone and it takes time to make friends.

On the other hand

, there is a huge benefit of living by ourselves: being truly independent. It would be a great opportunity to try many things alone from A to Z. It is something we can never learn until we live alone.

For instance

, we will learn how to use

money

efficiently, how to cook and how to socialise with strangers. It might be hard when we first start to live away from where we grew up, but, throughout

this

process, we will get used to it and will become a responsible and mature adult.

Also

this

is something we need to face

Change preposition

at anytime

show examples

anytime

Correct your spelling

any time

show examples

in our lives. In conclusion, I think

this

big advantage outweighs the two disadvantages.

Although

it is not easy to live by ourselves, getting to know better about ourselves and growing internally will be beneficial in the long term.

Submitted by dob.jeong on Fri Nov 22 2024

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task achievement

Include more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, a personal anecdote or a statistic about financial management for students living away from home could strengthen your points.

coherence cohesion

Ensure all paragraphs are well-linked, maintaining a smooth flow from one idea to the next. Some transitions, such as between the second and third paragraphs, could be more explicit.

task achievement

The essay presents a well-rounded analysis with two disadvantages and one advantage, matching the task requirements.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.

coherence cohesion

Main points are supported with logical reasoning, providing depth to the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

301 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some countries, university students live away from home and in another city while studying. Do you think the disadvantsges outweigh the advantages of living in another city?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this messages?

Have you recently bought a mobile phone? Write a review about the phone explaining why you bought it, how easy it is to use and if you would recommend it to others.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Some people believe that young people bring more profit to the company. Others says that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

With the widespread use of the internet , more people choose to work from home . Do the advantages of this trends oughtweigh the disadvantage?