In some countries, university students live away from home and in another city while studying. Do you think the disadvantsges outweigh the advantages of living in another city?

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It is true that students, when they go to university, often decide to live away from home or in another area. I believe there are two disadvantages and one advantage of living independently. First of all,
money
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can be a problem. When we live with our parents, we often forget about how much
money
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we need to survive in
this
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world. Since they cover everything, the only time we actually spend our
money
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is when we buy something we
wanted
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want
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to.
However
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, as soon as we move out of their house, we need to pay for everything without any help. Even though your parents can support you financially, you need to spend less
money
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on clothes or cosmetics,
instead
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, you need to allocate your monthly budget to many different sectors.
Furthermore
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, some people might feel depressed when they start a new life in a new place. because they don't know anyone and it takes time to make friends.
On the other hand
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, there is a huge benefit of living by ourselves: being truly independent. It would be a great opportunity to try many things alone from A to Z. It is something we can never learn until we live alone.
For instance
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, we will learn how to use
money
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efficiently, how to cook and how to socialise with strangers. It might be hard when we first start to live away from where we grew up, but, throughout
this
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process, we will get used to it and will become a responsible and mature adult.
Also
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,
this
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is something we need to face
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at anytime
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anytime
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any time
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in our lives. In conclusion, I think
this
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big advantage outweighs the two disadvantages.
Although
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it is not easy to live by ourselves, getting to know better about ourselves and growing internally will be beneficial in the long term.
Submitted by dob.jeong on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, a personal anecdote or a statistic about financial management for students living away from home could strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs are well-linked, maintaining a smooth flow from one idea to the next. Some transitions, such as between the second and third paragraphs, could be more explicit.
task achievement
The essay presents a well-rounded analysis with two disadvantages and one advantage, matching the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported with logical reasoning, providing depth to the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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