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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians, or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #entertainers #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money
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During the
last
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 decade, the matter of paying salaries to people regarding the type of job they do has always been a controversy.
Although
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 some people stick to the point that famous people as celebrities do not deserve the
amount
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 of
money
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 they make, under no circumstances would I accept so and believe that the
amount
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 of
money
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 they receive as their income is their right.
To begin
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 with, the prime reason why public figures deserve the
amount
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 they are paid lies in the fact that celebrities and famous people have the problem of violation of their privacy. More specifically, whenever they appear in public places, as a part of their personal
life
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, people go to them to take autographs or to take photos with them.
In addition
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, paparazzi
always follow
Suggestion
always follows
 them in order to take photos of their personal
life
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 and personal relations to be later released in public. To cite an example, many scandals have happened in Hollywood in
film industry
Suggestion
the film industry
 as well as music industry simply because of the photos leaked of the personal lives of film and pop stars.
Therefore
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, the
amount
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 of
money
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 entertainers make can be a form of compensation for violation of their private lives.
Furthermore
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, I think the reason for
high salaries
Suggestion
the high salaries
 of public entertainers has
root
Suggestion
roots
 in their short professional
life
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 span. To be more precise, the number of years
such
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 people can work and build up their future
life
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 on seems not to be similar to those jobs like teaching or doing some clerical or office
jobs continuing
Suggestion
jobs, continuing
 for thirty years. Beside
this
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, they might be harmed in a way which is unfixable no matter they are football players, film stars, or singers.
For instance
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, a professional football player might damage a knee cap or break a bone because of which they might not be able to even
live
go away from a place
leave
 their usual
life
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, or even a pop singer might be attacked by the people who do not approve of what they do.
Thus
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, I believe the
money
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 they make is a kind of blood
money
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 for them as it is not guaranteed for a long time. By way of conclusion, on the basis of the privacy they are deprived of as well as their not long professional
life
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 that I mentioned above, once
again I
Accept comma addition
again, I
 reaffirm my idea that it is more than fair for public figures as celebrities to make great amounts of
money
Use synonyms
 as their salaries.
Submitted by mohammad zohrabi on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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