IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Should wealthy people be obliged to share their financial success with poor people by supporting health services and education, or is this the responsibility of the poor to improve their own standard of living?

#people #success #health #services #education #responsibility
Income and equality is an issue that has plagued civilization since the beginning of time. Whereas some societies strongly disagree with ‘every man for himself’ others believe in helping their neighbours. The following essay will cover European approaches using real world examples to support arguments. Wealth distribution for social ends
such
 as health care and education is seen as a basic societal right in Denmark. There are
also
 tremendous benefits for levelling the playing field (Nash’s equilibrium win-win situation).
For example
, a recent study by the University of Copenhagen showed that when the rich were forced into sharing their income amongst the economically challenged, over 70% of the wealthy reported feeling a higher sense of wellbeing afterwards.
Therefore
,
although
 it is undoubtedly contentious, there are tremendous benefits for rich and poor alike to participate in wealth sharing endeavours.
Secondly
, evidence from history shows that laying the responsibility with the poor to improve their lot is clearly an erroneous policy. In most humanitarian governmental bodies, scientific reports have proved countless times that the initiative must start with external assistance.
For instance
, a pilot study showed that when poverty stricken individuals were motivated by not just be themselves
that is
 external mentors, they had a success rate three times more than self motivated candidates.
Thus
, experts generally agree that the most effective humanitarian assistance involves helping one to help themselves, which underscores the common expression ‘no man's island’. To conclude, it is clear when the rich share their wealth -albeit under duress- they stand to benefit.
Furthermore
, when the poor gain direct support the help has a multiplier effect,
therefore
 both actions should be strongly encouraged.
Submitted by Vadim on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: