IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Most people agree that money cannot be happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness?

#people #money #happiness
It is argued that whether money is a crucial factor to promote
happiness
.
Firstly
Accept comma addition
Firstly, this
this
 essay will explain why it is hard to provide a definition of
happiness
 and
secondly
 will discuss how
human being
Suggestion
human beings
a human being
 can accomplish
happiness
 in their lives. Many people find it is complicated to give a description of
happiness
 because it is an individual feeling for each person.
For instance
, some agree that they will be overjoyed if they have a lot of money while the others think that they are delighted if they do the volunteer work.
Moreover
, a person can experience
happiness
 with a variety of feelings in different situations
such
 as meeting his or her idol, or enjoying a tasty diet, or even the excitement when watching a thriller. Despite being difficult to fulfil a precise definition of
happiness
, there are some ways to be happy in one’s
life
.
Firstly
, it is necessary for a person to have a decent job to earn a living so that he can feed on his or her own.
Secondly
, a feeling of sharing a
life
 with loving family members is
also
 considered as a
happiness
 achievement.
Finally
, other factors can help people to be
contented
Suggestion
content
in
Suggestion
with
 their lives are attributed to
voluntering
tell voluntarily
volunteering
 for those in need, or the sense of
fulfiling
put in effect
fulfilling
 the purpose in one’s
life
. In conclusion,
happiness
 is not easy to define due to the fact that it depends on the different feelings of each individual.
However
, people can achieve
happiness
 by having a decent job, sharing
life
 with loving family members as well as doing
volunteering
Suggestion
volunteer
 and having a sense of accomplishing the purpose in
life
.
Submitted by smsnwelbnikpbcbost on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: