IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

retirement age should be raised? Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#retirement #age
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In these days, it is becoming
debatable phenomenon
Suggestion
a debatable phenomenon
 of whether the
age
Use synonyms
 of
retirement
Use synonyms
 ought to be increased or not. Some people show their agreement for
this
Linking Words
situation but
Accept comma addition
situation, but
 others make complaints regarding to rising
age
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay it
Accept comma addition
essay, it
 will be discussed both views with their examples and explanations. On the one hand it is true that
rising
Suggestion
the rising age
age
Use synonyms
 of working creates a huge opportunity not only the government or company
itself but
Accept comma addition
itself, but
also
Linking Words
 individuals as the older people
become the
Accept comma addition
become, the
 more they demand attention from their
acquitances
personal knowledge or information about someone or something
acquaintances
acquaintance
 and if companies dismissed them in younger
age
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, they will become to feel a sense of isolation which causes a serious health problems during their later
life
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, as
result
Suggestion
a result
the result
 of early
retirement
Use synonyms
, individuals can obtain a serious health problems like obesity since citizens stop movement that they regularly act in their working
life
Use synonyms
 day.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
retirement
Suggestion
the retirement age
age
Use synonyms
 should not to be increased for people for the reason that nowadays, people
can not
can not
cannot
 afford to concentrate their attention to their family members or even the
heath
a healthy state of wellbeing free from disease
health
 of themselves because of their
work
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, children can not feel their parents care for
themselves even
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themselves, even
 they lose a sense of
belonging feelings
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belonging, feelings
 due to being busy of their parents for their job. Giving an early
retirement
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 to workers gives more comforts to pay attention to these things in order to keep
work
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 balance
on
Suggestion
in
of
 their daily
life
Use synonyms
 and they have enough time for even caring their own
healths
an open recess in a wall at the base of a chimney where a fire can be built
hearths
. In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 issue.
However
Linking Words
, I think it is much more better retiring from
work
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in
Suggestion
at
 an early
age
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 rather than older because there are
also
Linking Words
 more important things than
work
Use synonyms
 in people's lifestyle.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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