28. Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion? To what extent do you support this development?

In the contemporary era, most females tend to secure their careers
firstly
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first
show examples
when they are young.
This
contributes to the fact that they tend to marry and become mothers in their late thirties. As one of
feminists
Add an article
the feminists
show examples
, I definitely opine that
women
will benefit more if they start their families later.
However
, under certain
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
, marrying and having babies in old
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
also
cause
Verb problem
have
show examples
negative impacts
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
them.
To begin
with, it is easy for
women
to focus on their careers and establish their financial independence if they stay single until later in their thirties.
Firstly
, single
women
will be more flexible and competitive in the workforce. They are as competent as males in the job setting without the restriction from
children
.
Children
may create obstacles for
women
's careers because taking care of
children
and doing household
cores
Correct your spelling
chores
show examples
all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will distract their attention and energy from their jobs.
Besides
,
researches
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research
show examples
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
that
women
marrying and having a baby in their late 30s will provide better living environments for their
springs
Fix the agreement mistake
spring
show examples
as compared with those in their early 20s or even younger. Obviously, more
women
have
Correct article usage
the rights
show examples
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
to live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the lifestyle that they prefer.
This
is the result of human civilization and feminism.
However
, giving
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
birth in
late
Change the article
the late
show examples
30s or early 40s will be a
high risk
Add a hyphen
high-risk
show examples
pregnancy and
increases
Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
show examples
the risk for mothers or babies to suffer from health conditions
such
as high blood pressure in pregnant
women
or Down syndrome in babies. The mortality rate of pregnant
women
is higher when they are over 35 years old.
Moreover
,
women
becoming a mother in their later 30s have a tougher time to adapt their new roles than those in their early 20s. In conclusion,
due to
feminism
Replace the word
feminist
show examples
activities, nowadays, females will have equal opportunities in the workforce.
This
may contribute to the phenomenon that they tend to marry and give birth in their late 30s
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
the above reasons.
However
, these
women
will
also
have some drawbacks for their health and their
children
's health as well.
Therefore
, females should choose a proper moment for themselves to start their families individually.
Submitted by busybee1693 on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt to some extent but lacks depth and critical analysis. Make sure to provide a balanced view and elaborate on the positive and negative aspects.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction and conclusion, but they need further development and clarity. The essay lacks overall coherence, and the structure of the ideas could be improved for better flow and development of arguments.

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