28. Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion? To what extent do you support this development?
In the contemporary era, most females tend to secure their careers
firstly
when they are young. Change the word
first
This
contributes to the fact that they tend to marry and become mothers in their late thirties. As one of feminists
, I definitely opine that Add an article
the feminists
women
will benefit more if they start their families later. However
, under certain situation
, marrying and having babies in old Fix the agreement mistake
situations
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
also
cause
negative impacts Verb problem
have
to
them.
Change preposition
on
To begin
with, it is easy for women
to focus on their careers and establish their financial independence if they stay single until later in their thirties. Firstly
, single women
will be more flexible and competitive in the workforce. They are as competent as males in the job setting without the restriction from children
. Children
may create obstacles for women
's careers because taking care of children
and doing household cores
Correct your spelling
chores
all
will distract their attention and energy from their jobs. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Besides
, researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show
that Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
women
marrying and having a baby in their late 30s will provide better living environments for their springs
as compared with those in their early 20s or even younger. Obviously, more Fix the agreement mistake
spring
women
have Correct article usage
the rights
rights
to live Fix the agreement mistake
right
in
the lifestyle that they prefer. Change preposition
apply
This
is the result of human civilization and feminism.
However
, giving a
birth in Remove the article
apply
late
30s or early 40s will be a Change the article
the late
high risk
pregnancy and Add a hyphen
high-risk
increases
the risk for mothers or babies to suffer from health conditions Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
such
as high blood pressure in pregnant women
or Down syndrome in babies. The mortality rate of pregnant women
is higher when they are over 35 years old. Moreover
, women
becoming a mother in their later 30s have a tougher time to adapt their new roles than those in their early 20s.
In conclusion, due to
feminism
activities, nowadays, females will have equal opportunities in the workforce. Replace the word
feminist
This
may contribute to the phenomenon that they tend to marry and give birth in their late 30s with
the above reasons. Change preposition
for
However
, these women
will also
have some drawbacks for their health and their children
's health as well. Therefore
, females should choose a proper moment for themselves to start their families individually.Submitted by busybee1693 on
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task response
The essay addresses the prompt to some extent but lacks depth and critical analysis. Make sure to provide a balanced view and elaborate on the positive and negative aspects.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction and conclusion, but they need further development and clarity. The essay lacks overall coherence, and the structure of the ideas could be improved for better flow and development of arguments.