IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

why people who leave school are more successful compare to those who complete their studies . give reason why they are successful? what is required to become successful?

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Firstly
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, we should ask what the using of
internet
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 effective for students. It is probably true that they can study what they desire to know, but they become obsessed with the
internet
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 and are unable to socialize with family or peers.
For instance
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, if children were addicted to access
Internet
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, they would rely on it to accomplish their works in every lesson.
Secondly
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, it must be said that there are some negative contents available in
i
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nternet,
Suggestion
the internet
 allowing young students to exposure violence on media.
Nevertheless
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, on my perspective, as long as there is adequate parental and school supervision when accessing
i
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nternet,
Suggestion
the internet
 children would not suffer from those terms of abuse, because guide learning is to supplement positive material. Turning to possible alternatives, we could involve children in multi-sensory learning method which encourages children to learn subjects in more funny ways
such
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 as games, rule cards and puzzles. It might appear that,
this
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 approach could develop children’s ability and stimulate their brain to comprehend subjects practically.
In addition
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, unlike
Internet
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 that only shows information visually, recreational activity seems to be the suitable alternative for children. Those activities
such
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 as school trip and study tour play an important role to support the comprehension of subjects. To demonstrate
this
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, introducing young people to museum and historical places, presumably, gives a positive improvement of learning subjects. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
I
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nternet
Suggestion
the Internet
contributes negative impacts to young generation considering their developmental and health problems to be the most prominent goals.
Therefore
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, several possible alternatives
such
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 as multi-sensory learning approach and recreational activities would bring children to learn every subject more creative and more effective ways.

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovate
  • Resilience
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Real-world experience
  • Academic qualifications
  • Networking
  • Mentorship
  • Portfolio
  • Skill-building
  • Hands-on learning
  • Passion project
  • Creative thinking
  • Self-taught
  • Drive
  • Business venture
  • Conventional paths
  • Dynamic job market
  • Flexibility
  • Risks
  • Practical skills
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