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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

IELTS Academic Graph Writing-Bar Chart: The diagram below shows changes in mode of transport chosen by travellers in a European country from 1950 to 1990. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Academic Graph Writing-Bar Chart: The diagram below shows changes in mode of transport chosen by travellers in a European country from 1950 to 1990. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given bar chart illustrates the information modes of transport and year chosen by percentage of travellers in a European country from 1950 and 1990.
Overall
Linking Words
, the graph reveals that in modes
chose
Wrong verb form
chosen
show examples
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 most other person's car of travellers since 1990,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bikes
Use synonyms
 and walking were
people
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
travelled by over the two periods and change in modes of transport used by
bus
Use synonyms
. As can be seen from the chart provide that 20%
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
chosen
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
bus
Use synonyms
 in 1950,
while
Linking Words
 car 8%, and
bikes
Use synonyms
 32%, and 40%
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 used
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
bikes
Use synonyms
 and
walking
Wrong verb form
walked
show examples
 in 1990, but, the
contrast
Correct your spelling
contract
show examples
 period of 17%
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 preferred to walk. In 1970, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 sharply inclined 32% and 28% travelled by
bus
Use synonyms
 and
cars
Fix the agreement mistake
car
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
, the
used
Replace the word
user
show examples
 of the
people
Use synonyms
 22% travelled by
Use synonyms
bikes
Fix the agreement mistake
bike
show examples
. The below period 1990 used in travel inclined, but the period change in 23%
people
Use synonyms
 chose the other transport system.  In 1990, the chart showed the number of
people
Use synonyms
 used to travel by car,
while
Linking Words
 the mode chosen
approximately
Add a missing verb
was approximately
show examples
 17% by
bus
Use synonyms
, and
bikes
Use synonyms
 and walking were opted for, by around 10% of travellers each.
Submitted by nazninbachcha on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words bikes, people, bus with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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