IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

THERE ARE MANY DIFFERENT TYPES OF MUSIC IN THE WORLD TODAY. WHY DO WE NEED MUSIC? IS THE TRADITIONAL MUSIC OF A COUNTRY MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE INTERNATIONAL MUSIC THAT IS HEARD EVERYWHERE NOWADAYS?

#music #world #country
I have started listening to the
Weeknd
a time period usually extending from Friday night through Sunday; more loosely defined as any period of successive days including one and only one Sunday
weekend
 songs since 2013. There's quite a uniqueness, murky and a dark theme added to it. His rough upbringing brought
him
male possessive pronoun
his
 unique skills and an enigmatic persona. And now after all his
endeavors
a purposeful or industrious undertaking (especially one that requires effort or boldness)
endeavours
, he's
one
 of the few echelons in the music industry. Many of us think that his past relationships had thwarted him achieving success but rather not. His album sales are mounting every
year despite
Accept comma addition
year, despite
 his illegal affairs. He's considered to be having a reclusive
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
 and leading a pretty solitary life as we ponder on the lyrics in his song blinding lights. It encapsulates the artist's dark, secluded life and his sex, girls, drug addiction. The story is radically different when you try to compare him to different artists. His persistence is on another level. There was a brief hiatus between the
first
 two albums. He doesn't have an entourage of bodyguards when he goes in public. When you observe his interview, you can find that he has got a snappy style of speaking. His alliance with drake is considered
one
 of the pivotal moments in his life. His debut album success provided him with the impetus to achieve higher. He's an aficionado in using complex lyrics and
one
 should dive deep and fathom it to get the sole purpose. Many of his fans badger him to release the albums every year. His net worth is proliferating as so his album sales. No artist is comparable to his uniqueness and
one
 should reckon that. I have a strong hunch that he will be the
next
 king of pop.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: