IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The first pie chart illustrates the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption whilst the
second
Linking Words
 chart demonstrates the data on
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
 emissions by the respective activities in an average Australian family.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the
energy
Use synonyms
 used in heating keeps the major part, the activity
Correct pronoun usage
that contributes
show examples
contributes
Wrong verb form
contributing
show examples
 the largest
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 is water heating.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 means, if an activity consumes much
energy
Use synonyms
, it is not sufficient to make sure that it emits the largest amount of
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 nearly
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
 (42%) is spent on heating, only 15%
Use synonyms
greenhouse
Change preposition
of greenhouse
show examples
gas
Use synonyms
emitted
Add a missing verb
is emitted
show examples
 by
this
Linking Words
 activity.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 use and
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 approximately the same for water heating (30%,
32
Correct word choice
and 32
show examples
%, respectively) and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cooling (2%,
3
Correct word choice
and 3
show examples
% respectively).
Besides
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, there are some of the activities that
energy
Use synonyms
 use
proportion
Use synonyms
 is just nearly
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of
Use synonyms
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
 they emit,
such
Linking Words
 as refrigeration, lighting and other appliances.

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, energy, greenhouse, gas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Average Australian household
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Energy consumption
  • Activities
  • Heating
  • Cooling
  • Water heating
  • Appliances
  • Lighting
  • Standby
  • Percentage (%)
  • Consumption patterns
  • Efficiency
  • Emissions impact
  • Renewable energy
  • Energy-saving measures
  • Sustainability
  • Carbon footprint
  • Electricity
  • Natural gas
  • Emissions breakdown
  • Energy audit
  • Environmental impact
  • Conservation
  • Mitigation strategies
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