There is no need to go out to see live performance (concert...) because it is better to see them on the TV or Computer screen. Do you agree or disagree
An emerging trend which has generated a
wide-spread
phenomenon in Correct your spelling
widespread
entertainment
field is watching Add an article
the entertainment
home
movie
. I am inclined to believe that watching Fix the agreement mistake
movies
movies
at home
is much better than coming to the social cinema. Not only will watching movie
at Fix the agreement mistake
movies
home
help us to save our precious time but it can also
be a private area to enjoy movie
series.
To look at the home
entertainment
aspect, the most important factor to consider is home
Correct article usage
the home
entertainment
aspect. If a person has his or her private applications or websites to relax against some pillows while
watching the movies
, it will be one of the best option
for them to save Change to a plural noun
options
amount
of huge money Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
instead
of uncomfortably going direct
to the social cinema. Replace the word
directly
Such
a form of home
entertainment
, moreover
, will create a private place for us to watch wonderful movies
without irritating the
others intensely. The more people are around, the more bad emotional feelings we will get. It is true that we always find confidence and truly Correct article usage
apply
happy
whenever we can gather with friends or family members, which can be destroyed Replace the word
happiness
while
watching in the social cinema with strangers. In order to avoid this
situation, all we need to do is self-quarantine, find a great Tv
show and relax.
With that being said, everything always has its defective sides and it is pretty true on Correct your spelling
TV
home
-movie
watching. What really make
Change the verb form
makes
audience
truly boring Add an article
the audience
about
the film is Change preposition
with
distraction
. Assuming a person is watching his favorite Correct article usage
the distraction
movie
, he might be momentarily distracted by social media platforms such
as Facebook, Instagram or even the notification of messages which is pretty unpleasant. Watching movies
at home
can affect negatively on
our routine, we might be immersed in blockbuster Change preposition
apply
movies
or Tv
series and be lazy. Correct your spelling
TV
Moreover
, Blue light from computer screens will cause some contemporary symptoms such
as eye strain, blur
vision or headache.
In conclusion, watching Replace the word
blurred
movie
is on the rise, and Fix the agreement mistake
movies
this
home watching
trend brings both advantages and disadvantages to Add a hyphen
home-watching
our self
and Correct your spelling
ourselves
the
others.Correct article usage
apply
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structure
The essay structure needs some improvement. Introduce the topic clearly and make sure to divide your main points into different paragraphs. Also, make sure your sentences are grammatically correct and vary in complexity.
content
Make sure that your essay strictly addresses the given task. The essay doesn't address the task of discussing whether it's better to see live performances in person or on TV/computer screen. The mention of 'home movie' and 'social cinema' seem tangential to the main topic.
examples
Give clear and specific examples to support each main idea. Vague or generic examples won't help the examiner understand your point.
conclusion
Your conclusion should summarize your main points and present a clear position on the topic. In this essay, the conclusion is vague and doesn't clearly make a final point in relation to the essay prompt.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite