There is no need to go out to see live performance (concert...) because it is better to see them on the TV or Computer screen. Do you agree or disagree

#performance #concert #tv #computer #screen

An emerging trend which has generated a

wide-spread

Correct your spelling

widespread

show examples

phenomenon in

entertainment

Add an article

the entertainment

show examples

field is watching

home

movie

Fix the agreement mistake

movies

show examples

. I am inclined to believe that watching

movies

home

is much better than coming to the social cinema. Not only will watching

movie

Fix the agreement mistake

movies

show examples

home

help us to save our precious time but it can

also

be a private area to enjoy

movie

series. To look at the

home

entertainment

aspect, the most important factor to consider is

home

Correct article usage

the home

show examples

entertainment

aspect. If a person has his or her private applications or websites to relax against some pillows

while

watching the

movies

, it will be one of the best

option

Change to a plural noun

options

show examples

for them to save

amount

Fix the agreement mistake

amounts

show examples

of huge money

instead

of uncomfortably going

direct

Replace the word

directly

show examples

to the social cinema.

Such

a form of

home

entertainment

moreover

, will create a private place for us to watch wonderful

movies

without irritating

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

others intensely. The more people are around, the more bad emotional feelings we will get. It is true that we always find confidence and truly

happy

Replace the word

happiness

show examples

whenever we can gather with friends or family members, which can be destroyed

while

watching in the social cinema with strangers. In order to avoid

this

situation, all we need to do is self-quarantine, find a great

Correct your spelling

show examples

show and relax. With that being said, everything always has its defective sides and it is pretty true on

home

movie

watching. What really

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

audience

Add an article

the audience

show examples

truly boring

about

Change preposition

with

show examples

the film is

distraction

Correct article usage

the distraction

show examples

. Assuming a person is watching his favorite

movie

, he might be momentarily distracted by social media platforms

such

as Facebook, Instagram or even the notification of messages which is pretty unpleasant. Watching

movies

home

can affect negatively

Change preposition

apply

show examples

our routine, we might be immersed in blockbuster

movies

Correct your spelling

show examples

series and be lazy.

Moreover

, Blue light from computer screens will cause some contemporary symptoms

such

as eye strain,

blur

Replace the word

blurred

show examples

vision or headache. In conclusion, watching

movie

Fix the agreement mistake

movies

show examples

is on the rise, and

this

home watching

Add a hyphen

home-watching

show examples

trend brings both advantages and disadvantages to

our self

Correct your spelling

ourselves

show examples

and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

others.

Tue Mar 31 2020

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structure

The essay structure needs some improvement. Introduce the topic clearly and make sure to divide your main points into different paragraphs. Also, make sure your sentences are grammatically correct and vary in complexity.

content

Make sure that your essay strictly addresses the given task. The essay doesn't address the task of discussing whether it's better to see live performances in person or on TV/computer screen. The mention of 'home movie' and 'social cinema' seem tangential to the main topic.

examples

Give clear and specific examples to support each main idea. Vague or generic examples won't help the examiner understand your point.

conclusion

Your conclusion should summarize your main points and present a clear position on the topic. In this essay, the conclusion is vague and doesn't clearly make a final point in relation to the essay prompt.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

337 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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There is no need to go out to see live performance (concert...) because it is better to see them on the TV or Computer screen. Do you agree or disagree

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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