IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people think that public health within accounting can be improved by government making laws regarding nutritious food

#people #health #government #laws #food
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Some people believe that nations can control people’s
health
Use synonyms
 through the
law
Use synonyms
, while others argued that national only can make their body
Use synonyms
health
Suggestion
healthy
. There are two views,
government
Use synonyms
 make a
law
Use synonyms
 like organic
Use synonyms
food of supply
Suggestion
food supply
 and demand increased than before and they make
this
Linking Words
 cost cheap,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, national find
health
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 they can try to
exercise
Use synonyms
 when they have much
time
Use synonyms
. To start with, some people expect
government
Use synonyms
make
Suggestion
to make
 national’s
body
Suggestion
bodily
health
Use synonyms
. It is because,
nation
Suggestion
a nation
the nation
have
Suggestion
has
 to care national like they can make quality of living through the
law
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, organic
food
Use synonyms
 has
high cost
Suggestion
a high cost
high costs
 in
this
Linking Words
 period,
thus
Linking Words
 many national cannot buy it. In
this
Linking Words
 case, the society
make
Suggestion
makes
 down cost like to improve the supply and demand for people. Not only that,
Use synonyms
government
Suggestion
the government
also
Linking Words
 can control working
time
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 too much
time
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 era. In
this
Linking Words
 situation,
employer
Suggestion
the employer
employers
an employer
 cannot spend
time
Use synonyms
 for
exercise
Use synonyms
 due to work, that
time
Use synonyms
 the
government
Use synonyms
 can make some
law
Use synonyms
 like company cannot give to more than seven-hour of work
to
Suggestion
for
 workers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people have to follow some plan
that is
Linking Words
care
Suggestion
careless
carefully
careful
 of people`s
health
Use synonyms
 as it will never change, if people do not have any willpower.
For instance
Linking Words
, they have to do
Use synonyms
exercise
Suggestion
exercises
 for good
health
Use synonyms
 because of
health
Use synonyms
 comes from
exercise
Use synonyms
. They have to do
Use synonyms
exercise
Suggestion
exercises
 for their
health
Use synonyms
 because
exercise
Use synonyms
 is good. Aside from that, the organic
food
Use synonyms
 is good
to
Suggestion
for
 people’s
health
Use synonyms
, and only people can cure their body when they get ill (
sick
Suggestion
sic
)
Accept space
)
from something it means that the hospital the individual can buy medicine and
health
Use synonyms
 care must need people’s responsibility (commitment, duty, obligation) and willpower (self-discipline). In conclusion, the
government
Use synonyms
 have to help national about
health
Use synonyms
 like they can make cheap price and give to
time
Use synonyms
 to workers,
however
Linking Words
most important behavior
Suggestion
the most important behaviour
most important behaviour
 is
national’s responsibility
Suggestion
the national’s responsibility
a national’s responsibility
 and willpower though they can do
exercise
Use synonyms
 when they have
time
Use synonyms
 and search the internet for what plan can match
to
Suggestion
with
 them.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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