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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The best way to reduce traffic accidents is to raise the age limit for younger drivers and to lower the age limit for elderly ones. Do you agree or disagree?

#traffic #accidents #age #limit #drivers #ones
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Nowadays it is argued that the paramount way to diminish car
accidents
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 is to increase the
age
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 limit driving permission for adolescents and decrease it for older
people
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.
While
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 I utterly agree with
this
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 rule,
this
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 essay will opine my arguments using relevant illustrations.
Firstly
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, youngsters ought to be prohibited from driving a car before the
age
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 of
twenty five
Add a hyphen
twenty-five
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 years.
This
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 is because before
this
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age
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 young
people
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 get drunk abundantly, which will lead them to lose their
conscious
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consciousness
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while
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 driving.
As a result
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, they will tend to do a plethora of vehicle
accidents
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 without being aware of their behaviours. To illustrate, A survey conducted by the Lebanese University, claimed that the majority of road
accidents
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 are a consequence of drunk children driving their parents' cars.
Therefore
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, prohibiting young aged from driving is crucial.
Secondly
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, Old
people
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 should
be having
Wrong verb form
have
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 a personal driver, who will be responsible
of
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for
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 their cars.
In other words
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, the elderly might lose both visual and acoustic senses, which will
cause
Verb problem
have
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 a tremendous negative effect on the way they use their personal vehicle and will increase the rate of traffic
accidents
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. One clear example here is a study conducted by the American Hospital in Beirut,
showed
Correct pronoun usage
which showed
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 that a huge number of senior generations lost control of their movement
while
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 driving
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because they are under chronic medications.
To sum up
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, grandparents should not drive
while
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 they use different medicines.
To conclude
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,
due to
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unpredictable
Correct article usage
the unpredictable
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 behaviour of both young and old
people
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, laws must change the
age
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 range of drivers, who should be responsible for their and
others
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others'
other's
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 lives. In fact, I believe that
this
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 must be treated as a priority for all concerns.
Submitted by mayaline.youssef on

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Task Achievement
Well done on presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. Make sure to further develop your arguments for a more thorough analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a good overall structure with an appropriate introduction and conclusion. Work on providing smoother transitions between ideas for better coherence.
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