The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy.

The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy.
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The pie charts compare information about the main factors to make happy
according to
Linking Words
two age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
( under 30 and over 30 )
Overall
Linking Words
,
It is clear that
Linking Words
both age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
present similarities and differences. Both age
grouos
Correct your spelling
groups
consider that achievement at work
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
them the highest percentage of happiness. Doing hobbies represent the
second
Linking Words
largest percentage.
Firstly
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, it can be observed that achievement at work
account
Correct subject-verb agreement
accounts
show examples
for 63 % of
happiness
Correct article usage
the happiness
show examples
factor
collectevitly
Correct your spelling
collectively
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, 22% of
people
Use synonyms
who are under 30 said that hobbies make
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
happy. It can be seen
almonst
Correct your spelling
almost
amongst
the same amount of
people
Use synonyms
( 22%) over 30 that consider a leisure time an
importan
Correct your spelling
important
reason to be happy. Turning to the differences,
it is clear that
Linking Words
having a good
apparence
Correct your spelling
appearance
and travelling
represent
Change the verb form
represents
show examples
an essential factor for young
people
Use synonyms
,
comprised
Wrong verb form
comprising
show examples
18 % and 15 % respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
who are over 30
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
more priority to
Correct your spelling
financial
finantial
Correct your spelling
financial
security ( 20 %) and being with family ( 14 %)

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "it is clear that".
Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "represent" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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