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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy.

The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy.
#show #results #survey #people #age #groups
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the pie charts indicate the results of the survey about what makes
people
Use synonyms
 happy by dividing
people
Use synonyms
`s age. In general, it seems both pie charts have some similarities and differences. For both charts, the highest percentage of the factor that makes them happy was work achievements for
under
Correct pronoun usage
those under
show examples
 30 and over 30
people
Use synonyms
, 31% and 32% respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
 , 22% of
people
Use synonyms
 who are under 30 said that when they`re doing their hobbies they feel most happy. It is clear to notice that almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 amount of
people
Use synonyms
 (22%) who is over 30 say that they feel
happiness
Use synonyms
 from their leisure time activities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, having a good appearance 18%, travelling (15%) and other factors (14%) are most important for
people
Use synonyms
 under thirty`s
happiness
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, for
people
Use synonyms
 over 30, financial stability
20
Add a missing verb
is 20
show examples
%, and being with family (14%) become the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
happiness
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is important to note that work and
hobby
Fix the agreement mistake
hobbies
show examples
 are
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 essential
happiness
Use synonyms
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 for any age
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, good looking and travelling are the
second
Linking Words
 crucial reason for young
people
Use synonyms
.
By comparison
Linking Words
, for
people
Use synonyms
 who are over 30, financial security and family are significantly important
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
happiness
Use synonyms
Submitted by ecifuentesg1 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, happiness with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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