IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows the recycling process of aluminium cans. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the recycling process of aluminium cans. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#process #aluminium #cans #information #features #comparisons
The diagram illustrates
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the man-made method of treating a large number of materials of
aluminum
Change the spelling
aluminium
show examples
 that have already been used so that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can recycle
used
Correct word choice
and used
show examples
 again.
Overall
, there are seven stages in the process,
Correct pronoun usage
which begins
show examples
begins
Correct subject-verb agreement
begin
show examples
 with collecting
aluminum
Change the spelling
aluminium
show examples
 metal in centres, and
ends
Correct subject-verb agreement
end
show examples
 with the drink
cans
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 sold in
drinks
Correct article usage
the drinks
show examples
 machine. In the first steps, many empty
cans
 are gathered in big shopping centres and they are arranged in other groups,
then
 the delivery men bring
aluminum
Change the spelling
aluminium
show examples
cans
 to a recycling centre.
Subsequently
, these
cans
 are boiled
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high temperature to melt; after
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 they become new
aluminum
Change the spelling
aluminium
show examples
 bricks. In the
next
 step,
aluminum
Change the spelling
aluminium
show examples
 fragments are flattened and rolled to thickness rely on
purpose
Correct article usage
the purpose
show examples
 for
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
;
Following
this
, the
aluminum
Change the spelling
aluminium
show examples
cans
 now become new packaging namely drink containers.
Finally
, drink
cans
 goods are put into the vending machine to buy
consumers
Change preposition
by consumers
show examples
.
Submitted by nguyennhancrazy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words aluminum, cans with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: