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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows the recycling process of aluminium cans. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the recycling process of aluminium cans. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#process #aluminium #cans #information #features #comparisons
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The diagram illustrates
about
Change preposition
apply
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the man-made method of treating a large number of materials of
Use synonyms
aluminum
Change the spelling
aluminium
show examples
 that have already been used so that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can recycle
used
Correct word choice
and used
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 again.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are seven stages in the process,
Correct pronoun usage
which begins
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begins
Correct subject-verb agreement
begin
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 with collecting
Use synonyms
aluminum
Change the spelling
aluminium
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 metal in centres, and
ends
Correct subject-verb agreement
end
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 with the drink
cans
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
being
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 sold in
drinks
Correct article usage
the drinks
show examples
 machine. In the first steps, many empty
cans
Use synonyms
 are gathered in big shopping centres and they are arranged in other groups,
then
Linking Words
 the delivery men bring
Use synonyms
aluminum
Change the spelling
aluminium
show examples
cans
Use synonyms
 to a recycling centre.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, these
cans
Use synonyms
 are boiled
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 high temperature to melt; after
that
Add a comma
,that
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 they become new
Use synonyms
aluminum
Change the spelling
aluminium
show examples
 bricks. In the
next
Linking Words
 step,
Use synonyms
aluminum
Change the spelling
aluminium
show examples
 fragments are flattened and rolled to thickness rely on
purpose
Correct article usage
the purpose
show examples
 for
using
Replace the word
use
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;
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
aluminum
Change the spelling
aluminium
show examples
cans
Use synonyms
 now become new packaging namely drink containers.
Finally
Linking Words
, drink
cans
Use synonyms
 goods are put into the vending machine to buy
consumers
Change preposition
by consumers
show examples
.
Submitted by nguyennhancrazy on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words aluminum, cans with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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