The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.) Describe the information presented below, comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)

Describe the information presented below, comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.
The bar graph presents information on the amount of weekly unpaid working
hours
experienced
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
married people by gender and by the
number
of
children
Add a comma
,children
show examples
they have.
Overall
, the
number
of weekly unpaid
work
hours
increased significantly in married
women
when the
number
of
children
they have increased,
while
that in married men slightly decreased when the
number
of
children
they have increased. Based on the information provided in the bar chart, married
women
had
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
number
of unpaid
work
hours
compared to that
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
married
Add an article
a married
the married
show examples
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
. The
number
of unpaid
work
hours
raised drastically by 20 to slightly over 50 when
women
with 1-2
children
,
while
the
number
of
hours
grew approximately by 10 to 60 when they have at least three
children
.
In addition
,
women
had the highest
number
of unpaid
work
hours
when they have more than three
children
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which doubled to 60 compared to those without
children
.
In contrast
to the increasing
number
of unpaid
work
hours
in
married
Add an article
the married
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
when they have
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
number
of
children
, that in married men decreased negligibly and remained slightly under 20
hours
per week. The difference between the
number
of unpaid
work
hours
between the two genders increased significantly when the
number
of
children
increase.
In addition
, the difference reached
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
peak when they have more than three
children
. In summary, married
women
spent more effort on housework than married men.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, while".
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, number, children, work, women with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 12 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • diagram
  • unpaid work
  • categories
  • average hours
  • men
  • women
  • comparison
  • overview
  • highest
  • differences
  • reasons
  • childcare
  • housework
  • gardening
  • gender roles
  • societal expectations
  • cultural norms
  • work-life balance
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