IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

people are living longer. some people that it causes big problems. others, however, think the ageing population has many advantages for business, government and for society in general. discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #population #business #government #society
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In the present generation many people think longer
life
Use synonyms
 will
leads
Suggestion
lead
 to major issues. Whereas, some others felt that
old
Suggestion
older
 people can generate more
money
Use synonyms
 by using their experience. By
this
Linking Words
 essay I will discuss on age longevity with both advantages and disadvantages with my opinion. On one side many people like to live a
longer
Suggestion
long
life
Use synonyms
in addition
Linking Words
 to stay with family, pursuit more happiness and
also
Linking Words
 to make
money
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. As the
life
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 goes longer their knowledge will be doubled and it will helpful to share their views and ideas to
younger generation
Suggestion
the younger generation
a younger generation
 and they are able to contribute to some of the sectors like teaching, management, political parties and research centres with their extensive experience.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in modern
times many
Accept comma addition
times, many
 people are busy with the work
life
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, where their grandparents will be helpful in taking care of children and giving great relief to the parents. On the other side some people
thinks
Suggestion
think
 that ageing will bring health issues and psychological disorders which leads to huge
money
Use synonyms
 spending on medicines and hospitals, ultimately lead to mental tensions and sorrow to family members.
Linking Words
Also because
Accept comma addition
Also, because
 of more aged
people
Suggestion
peoples'
 government have to allocate more
money
Use synonyms
 for pensions and it will be burden on each individual for paying more taxes to government. So, as to believers of
this
Linking Words
 aspect are right in somehow. In my opinion, people living older is good for society as per the development criteria by means of their long-
life
Use synonyms
 experiences,
furthermore
Linking Words
 to the communities and families having grandparents would give their guidance to the younger generation even though they are suffering with health issues.
Lastly
Linking Words
, we have to respect and take care of
the old
Suggestion
older
 people for their service and path to the world.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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