IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think it is the responsibility for government to ensure the people have healthy lifestyle. Other think people should have a free for their own lifestyle decision. Discusse both view and give your opinion.

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People
Use synonyms
 have a good way of life of protecting it is authority,
accountability
Correct word choice
and accountability
show examples
 it is perceived by
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 individuals;
however
Linking Words
,
counter arguers
Correct your spelling
counterarguments
show examples
claimed
Wrong verb form
claim
show examples
 that
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
layman
Fix the agreement mistake
laymen
show examples
 should have a
free
Replace the word
freedom
show examples
 for their own resolution. There are dual scene
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 to be discussed regarding the issue. Prior to my stance, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opinions are analysed
further
Linking Words
. Examining the former prospect, the primary factor the supporter would put forward is that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should promote a healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 and regular training.
This
Linking Words
 is because nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 are well
foodie
Fix the agreement mistake
foodies
show examples
 to eat
much
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
fast meat so they control on
diet
Use synonyms
 for everyday life and go to the gym and
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 there should be more time for sports on school timetables. To explain
this
Linking Words
 administration can increase sports activities
as well as
Linking Words
 physical strength to make
people
Use synonyms
 healthy. To cap it all hospitals rely on the government for money and resources. The latter aspect suggests
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
its respective consideration. To commence with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
many young
people
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 grown up on a
diet
Use synonyms
 of convenience
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
. By
this
Linking Words
 I mean that many
people
Use synonyms
reside
Correct pronoun usage
who reside
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outside
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 hometown
Correct word choice
and those
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those mainly
Change the determiner
that mainly diet
those mainly diets
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fast
feed
Replace the word
food
show examples
 and those individuals
live
Correct pronoun usage
who live
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad they are eating fast cuisine.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 regular
test
Fix the agreement mistake
tests
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 essential in maintaining a healthy body. To elaborate
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
young individuals are every morning lesson and walking regularly or few
people
Use synonyms
 not responsible for everyday
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
 and give my opinion, I support
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the latter prospect. A set of
people
Use synonyms
 believe it is responsible for
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
secure
Fix the infinitive
to secure
show examples
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 life. Another claimed freedom for their own lifestyle. As administration
promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
show examples
 a healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 and training;
however
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
 have grown up on a
diet
Use synonyms
 of fast
feed
Replace the word
food
show examples
.

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines both views and states your opinion. Avoid unclear phrases and strive for precision in your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of your essay by using linking words and phrases more effectively to connect ideas. This will enhance the overall coherence.
task achievement
Provide clearer examples to support your arguments. Vague references may weaken your points. Specific examples help illustrate your perspective clearly.
task achievement
You attempted to address both views, which shows an understanding of the task requirements.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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