IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

nowadays it is possible to move ocean creatures from their natural habitat at sea and have them relocated to marine parks for the purpose of education and entertainment. Do you think advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages

#move #ocean #creatures #habitat #sea #marine #parks #purpose #education #entertainment #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
At present, many ocean animals are taken from their
sea
Use synonyms
 environment and shifted them to wildlife parks
for
Suggestion
in
 the way of entertainment for the people. In my perspective, it will not be a logical move, as
then
Linking Words
 not only the natural ecosystem of
oceans
Suggestion
the oceans
 will be disturbed, but
also
Linking Words
 it will be cruel to these organisms. On the one hand, it is unfortunate if a creature is separated from its family to keep in the parks
for
Suggestion
in
 the way of earning money. Many babies have been removed from their mothers at an early age to train them so they can learn the special tricks.
Secondly
Linking Words
, relocating these
sea
Use synonyms
 habitats creates a negative impact on their personal growth. They are not able to indulge in another environment as they loved to live their lives in the ocean. They are treated as prisoners and kept them in the captive. They need a bigger space where they free enjoy and spent time with their loved ones.
For example
Linking Words
, from the recent survey, the captive dolphins lived half of the life span of those dolphins who lived in the
sea
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, keeping these creatures in amusement parks help tourism to grow because people want to see different
sea
Use synonyms
 mammals like dolphins, sharks and would like to know about their growth.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it plays a significant role in the development of a country. More parks in a
country would
Accept comma addition
country, would
 increase the number of international tourists, which will be fruitful
to
Suggestion
for
 the economic growth of the country. To conclude,
although
Linking Words
 there are pros and cons to removing the
sea
Use synonyms
 creatures from their natural habitat and the drawbacks outweigh the benefits because they need to be with their family and thrive in their environment.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: