Some people suggest that bringing up children by thw whole family includimg uncles, aunts and grandparents is better, rather than only by parents. To what extend are you agree or disagree?

Some hold the opinion of raising children in
extended family
Suggestion
the extended family
has greater advantages rather than nuclear ones. I personally believe that indeed, it has many benefits like forming good behaviour in children and making them more friendly with
tradional
consisting of or derived from tradition
traditional
values
.
Accept space
.
To begin
with, bringing up children by their relatives
,
Accept space
,
especially grandparents
,
Accept space
,
play a significant role in the form of their social behaviour
.
Accept space
.
Undoubtedly, current generation
need
Suggestion
needs
more control to defend them from harmful effects of modern technologies
.
Accept space
.
But
,
Accept space
,
it can be impossible to do so in nuclear families in which both parents work and have no time make conversation with their children who are left unattended in the hands of modern devices
.
Accept space
.
If there are
granparents
a parent of your father or mother
grandparents
to supervise them in families with what they are doing
,
Accept space
,
who their friends are
,
Accept space
,
they will not enter in dead -end streets
.
Accept space
.
They
also
are taught more effectively to behave
approprietly
in an appropriate manner
appropriately
in society by their
closes which
Accept comma addition
closes, which
is different from other children who are grown up in nuclear families.
Secondly
, it seems that many today's
child
Suggestion
children
are deprived of cultural events due to given
lack
Suggestion
the lack
of attention and time by their
workholic
person with a compulsive need to work
workaholic
parents
.
Accept space
.
To improve
this
attitude
,
Accept space
,
definetely
without question and beyond doubt
definitely
,
Accept space
,
they need a whole family in which all family members have a responsibility for teaching the child in family about traditional values by making them inform about national heroes and historical buildings. Children well informed about their past have higher patriotism as well.
This
way is more important to pay more attention I think
,
Accept space
,
since
,
Accept space
,
mostly,
young generation
Suggestion
the young generation
have
Suggestion
has
a
highe r
advanced in complexity or elaboration
higher
chance to bring their countries
,
Accept space
,
which are maintaining
greatly
Suggestion
great
cultural sides, for popularity over the world
.
Accept space
.
To conclude
,
Accept space
,
It can be clear that bringing up children by all members in
family
Suggestion
the family
a family
is better when taking into consider of some merits in increased number of well being children in communities and the form of
good attitude
Suggestion
a good attitude
towards national sites of countries.
Submitted by hatamovashahzoda on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: