IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In some countries people encourage teenagers to find part-time jobs. Some people agree and others don’t. Review both sides and give your opinion.

#countries #people #teenagers #jobs #don’t #review
Some people think it is good for teenagers to obtain part-
time
 employment, while others resist to
this
 idea.In my opinion,
although
 there might be some
noticable
capable or worthy of being perceived
noticeable
 drawbacks, it would be much more experience and help to gain some useful skills working as a part-
time
 employee. It is claimed by some people that working during the period of teenage has some benefits to the teenagers in some way.
Firstly
, they can obtain valuable
work
 experience which
are
Suggestion
is
 excellent for a resume.
Moreover they
Accept comma addition
Moreover, they
 might attain a chance to learn how to manage their
financies
assets in the form of money
finances
 and learn
time
 management skill.
In addition
, they gradually instill new confidence, sense of responsibility and independence
.
Accept space
.
 Gaining
useful marketable
Accept comma addition
useful, marketable
 skills
such
 as improving communication, how to handle with people, developing interview skills and filling out job applications are
significant influence
Suggestion
significant influences
a significant influence
 to their future career. Some people have
opposite belief
Suggestion
opposite beliefs
the opposite belief
an opposite belief
 that if teenagers get into
employmet
the state of being employed or having a job
employment
 they will face a number of negatives especially related to their studies.
For example
, After working
time
 they
rest less
worried and uneasy
restless
time
 for homework. Working students may not have or make the
time
 to complete their
work
.
As a result
 of
this
 they get lower grades in school.
Furthemore
in addition
Furthermore
, early entry into a negative or harsh
work
 environment may encourage
negative view
Suggestion
a negative view
the negative view
 of
work
. Feeling
fatigue
Suggestion
fatigued
 and sleepiness may appear in the routine of the student effecting to their preparation for the day’s academic activities and may discourage the teen from going to school. All things considered, my subjective view on
this
 contentious issue is that it is great for gaining valuable experiences by working as a part-
time
 worker for teenagers while others think it is not.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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