IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety Therefore, some people think that government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. To what extent you agree?

#government #responsibility #citizens #safety #people #defense
The military is crucial for the identification and protection of every
country
.
However
, the military expenditure of a
country
 depends upon its geographical and political conditions.Cutting down military expenditure can lead to an alarming situation for the stability of the
country
 and tranquility of a nation. In my perspective, the military is very much important for the protection of the borders of a
country
 and if expenditure which is used to protect the borders is cut down, it may risk the security of its nation and in more crucial conditions the
country
 may even demolish.
For instance
, there is always a cold war between Pakistan and India and both the countries need a strong army for protection of their borders.
However military
Accept comma addition
However, military
 is
also
 required to stop the illegal migrants from other countries which can be a danger to a
country
 in many ways. A
country
's economy may be affected due to an increase in population because of migrants. It may
also
 lead to an increase in terrorism as in Pakistan many migrants came from Afghanistan and they never went back,
thus
 leading to an increase in Pakistan's population and they are
also
 a cause of increased terrorism in Pakistan. When a
country
 or nation have strong military forces it's people are more protected and safe, so they can have a peace of mind. Like in Kashmir, which always remain a battlefield field due to weak military forces. Many people lose their lives daily and they don't have any security for their lives. To conclude, cutting of military expenses may lead to demolition of a
country
's economy and may take away the tranquility and peace of mind of its people.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • national security
  • sovereignty
  • foreign entities
  • military sector
  • economic growth
  • inequality
  • vulnerable populations
  • elderly
  • disabled
  • unemployed
  • social stability
  • public health
  • balanced approach
  • appropriate funding
  • nation’s needs
  • priorities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: