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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should make efforts in reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #illness #disease #governments #efforts #pollution
In these
Change preposition
These
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 days,
while
 urgent health-related
problems
,
according to
 some,
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 attributed to the pollution of our planet’s atmosphere and the issues of housing, I agree up to
this
 point that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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governments have to take
the
Correct article usage
apply
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full responsibility to mitigate
this
 overwhelming obstacle. It is
initially
 true that
the
Correct article usage
an
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 unprecedented number of
people
 are suffering from environmental catastrophe and housing scarcity. In
this
 way, in order to save the valuable
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 of innocent
people
 who lack homes and are facing
such
 serious illnesses as cancer, radiation, skin lesions and others, the governments are obliged to
vanish
Verb problem
eliminate
show examples
 the factors leading to the emergence of
this
 problem – the toxic gases emitted from the transport system (mainly cars) and high costs of accommodation which are not affordable for the impoverished class of the population. The initial step would be the forced decline in the number of cars by which
people
 are commuting, and
following
this
, the provision of free accommodation for homeless
people
 is a plausible alternative to avert the vast trend of illnesses.
Thus
, the governments have a key role in altering the process the aforementioned
problems
 emerge. Another point to consider, persuading
people
 to realize the environmental and housing
problems
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not ethereal.
First,
each government ought to supply its citizens with an adequate source of knowledge so that they would not only get rid of their peccadilloes like wasting,
throwing
Correct word choice
and throwing
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 rubbish – all of these factors leading to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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environmental issues, but
also
 assist other impoverished members of society, and
this
 paves the way for the heyday in every country.
Therefore
, the question is not just about avoiding
problems
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but is the realization of the whole Earth’s population to diminish their adverse impact on their surroundings. In conclusion, the more
people
 recognize the threat of polluting sources and accommodation
problems
, the more thriving our planet will be.
Submitted by superbox8089 on

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task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the prompt and provides a clear stance on the issue. Expand on the points made to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a clear structure and presents a logical flow of ideas, ensure that each paragraph is well-connected, and the essay progresses smoothly from one point to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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