Some people think that the family is the most important influence on young adults. Other people think that friends are the most important influence on young adults. Which view do you agree with?

#people #influence #adults #friends

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There is no doubt that teenage is where a child learns habits for life.

While

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some argue that family plays an important role in influencing children, I believe

friends

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have the most impact on an individual's life.

Firstly

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, young adults spend most of their day with

friends

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This

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is because they spent

Correct article usage

the

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majority of their day in schools, extracurricular classes, and playing with

friends

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For instance

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, a kid goes to school for eight hours, and adding classes and playing time, makes it up to ten hours

spend

Change the form of the verb

spent

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with

friends

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This

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results in spending only a few hours with family. All

this

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time, they are communicating with

friends

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and learning new skills.

Furthermore

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, teenagers learn relatively quickly compared to adults. So any behaviour by their

friends

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leaves a lasting influence.

Secondly

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, these days, there is a huge social pressure in friend circles.

In other words

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, people want to be accepted in the

group

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. They tend to behave like the

group

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, regardless of the consequences.

For example

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, if a person smokes, the

non smokers

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non-smokers

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are likely to pick up that habit. If a young adult does not align themselves with the

group

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, they face bullying

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apply

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or the danger of being kicked out of the circle.

In addition

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, in a friend circle where some students score high on an exam, the

other

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others

show examples

also

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work hard to keep up with their

friends

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In contrast

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, if some people in a

group

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perform poorly in exams, others

also

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looses

Verb problem

lose

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motivation and

scores

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score

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less. In conclusion, with more time being spent with

friends

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, and the social pressure nowadays, young adults get highly influenced by their

friends

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rather than family.

Sun Apr 05 2020

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task response

You should provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay structure is well-organized, but the introduction and conclusion can be more developed and impactful.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

273 words

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Some people think that the family is the most important influence on young adults. Other people think that friends are the most important influence on young adults. Which view do you agree with?

Space exploration costs taxpayers an exorbitant amount of money each year. What are the advantages and disadvantage of spending money on space exploration?

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