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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
The graph shows the increase in the ageing population in
Japan
Use synonyms
, Sweden and the USA. It indicates that the percentage of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 in all three
countries
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 expected to increase to almost 25% of the respective populations by the year 2040. In 1940 the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 aged 65 or more stood at only 5% in
Japan
Use synonyms
, approximately 7% in Sweden and 9% in the US.
However
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the figures for the Western
countries
Use synonyms
 grew to about 15°o in around 199C, the figure for
Japan
Use synonyms
 dipped to only 25% for much of
this
Linking Words
 period, before rising to almost 5% again at the present time. In spite of some fluctuation in the expected percentages, the proportion of older
people
Use synonyms
 will probably continue to increase m the
next
Linking Words
 two decades in the three
countries
Use synonyms
. A more dramatic rise is predicted between 2030 and 2040 in
Japan
Use synonyms
, by which time it is thought that the proportion of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 will be similar in the three
countries
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, people, countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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