IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is more important for school children to learn about local history than world history. To what extent to you agree or disagree?

#school #children #history #world
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Many people have valued the role of local
history
 to schoolchildren over that of world
history
. In my opinion, I disagree with those people as both of them are equally essential for young learners. Studying the
history
 of their hometown is for sure an indispensable part of
school’s curriculum
Suggestion
the school’s curriculum
a school’s curriculum
 during students’ early education. I believe having thorough insights into what happened in the past at one’s locality
develops
Suggestion
developed
 his patriotism.
For example
, children of primary and secondary schools in my village are taught about how their ancestors defended their land against outside intruders and reclaimed sovereignty.
Therefore
, those young children would take pride in their origin and treasure the life they have today.
Additionally
, I think it is not only students’
privilege but
Accept comma addition
privilege, but
also
 their responsibility to know about their own
history
 to understand their hometown’s traditional values and identity. From another angle, learning about world
history
 shares equal importance just as local one. Acquiring knowledge about the world’s past events equips students with a more well-rounded perspective of life. Lessons about the World War or Feminism protest against women’s abuse and discrimination would help those learners enhance their understanding about various aspects of the world.
Furthermore
, I think that being taught about the other countries’ historical backgrounds would benefit young learners in their future career. Students who accumulate knowledge of
this
 particular field at an early age would possess a golden selling point to work for foreign enterprises, especially those who highly value company culture like Japan. In conclusion, I believe the significance of domestic and international
history
 cannot be brought into comparison to see which one is more necessary because they have distinctively equal meanings to children.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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