IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that television programmes are of no real value for childrevn How far do you agree or disagree????

#people #television #programmes #value #childrevn
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Television
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 is a very accessible media for everyone which provides a wide range of information
as well as
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 entertainment to its viewers. Its users come from either the adult or younger.
While
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 there are many people
believe
Correct pronoun usage
who believe
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 that the
programs
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in
Change preposition
on
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television
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 have value for all its viewers,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others argue that
children
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 are an exception.
Due to
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 several reasons which I will explain in
this
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 essay, I do agree with the former opinion.
To begin
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 with, some Indonesians feel afraid
on
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of
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 many kinds of
programs
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 shown on
television
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 like a high number of cartoon films which tend to show violent actions.
However
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, it does not mean that
this
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 is the only
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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sort of
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programs
Fix the agreement mistake
program
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 which are provided. There are
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 very useful
programs
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 like
child traveller
Correct your spelling
Child Traveller
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 named Si Bolang which is broadcasted by one private
television
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 station in in my country.
This
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 program provides information regarding many cultures owned by
this
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 nation that are very useful to familiarize the young generation
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with
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toward
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with
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 their nation.
Furthermore
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, another TV plan
that is
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 intended to be addressed to
children
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 can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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highly
supporting
Wrong verb form
support
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 their skill development like
toddler
Correct article usage
a toddler
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 cookery program called Child Master Chef. It is highly valuable to stimulate a youth to learn
such
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 kind of profession which
is
Verb problem
has
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 potential to bring them into their future success.
Therefore
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, it is clearly seen that
TV
Correct article usage
the TV
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 set plan has a big value to the child viewers. In short,
television
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 curriculum is a very good
media
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medium
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 to educate
children
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 regarding their nation
as well as
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 a particular interesting profession.
Thus
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, it can be concluded that
children
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 can get tremendous
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
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 from
television
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 programmes.

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task response
Ensure that you fully address the prompt and express a clear opinion in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Connect your ideas more effectively to improve the flow and coherence of the essay.
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