IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people believe that women should be treated as equal as men when applying to the jobs in military sector. Others think that they are not suitable for this. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #women #men #jobs #sector
Some opine that females should be given equal opportunities together with their male counterparts to apply for jobs in the field of military, whereas others argue that they are not suitably qualified for
this
. I think that the former seems to be a better option as we reside in the egalitarian society.
Firstly
, there is no doubt that women excel at several careers with their outstanding personalities.
However
, a number of individuals are of view that they would not be able cope with the difficulties of military duties for the long -term period since it is their physical defect which tells against them when it comes to taking arduous exercises to make themselves prepared for the sudden assault of the enemy of their country,
for instance
.
On the other hand
, it often mentioned that women are of quite fortitude and can perform particular tough tasks more effectively and easily than men do.
Although
 their physical condition is their greatest weak point, women can play an important role in encouraging the other soldiers with motivating words and phrases.
For example
, having been exhausted from hard aspects of the army, the majority of young recruits often tend to lose their bearings towards the life. In
such
 cases, female militarists would help them stay healthy in terms of psychological prosperity. In conclusion, I believe that even though women are usually treated to be incompatible with military duties due primarily to the high physical demands, they should have fair chances like men with their charismatic presence.
Submitted by adkhamnematov on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: