IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Wealthy nations should assist poorer countries with humanitarian relief during natural disasters. Do you agree or disagree?

#nations #countries #relief #disasters
There is an argument about rich
countries
’ obligation to provide humanitarian assistance like outfits, medicine, and
food
 in natural catastrophes like a hurricane, thunder, and others.
This
 essay agrees with
this
 statement because these
countries
 have a moral responsibility to help poor
people
 on unwieldy occasions. Not only rich nations but
also
 all
countries
 have the mandatory for social and moral reasons to help low-income
countries
 through difficult times like earthquakes and other natural difficulties. In those complicated situations, poor
countries
 don’t have enough supplements, nutrition, and clothes to persevere.
Therefore
, if no one provides these reliefs for them, they can't pass these hard situations and their
people
 would probably die under those circumstances.
For instance
, a recent study found the probability of survival and reconstruction after natural disasters in poor nations will increase with rich
countries
’ aid.
On the other hand
, in high-income
countries
, the priority has always been with their
people
 and the government’s funds should remain for their
people
 in hard situations. Natural disasters can happen in any place even in rich
countries
, so If they spend their expenses on poor
countries
 they would not have enough supplements for themselves on those occasions.
For example
, the USA is in a hurricane zone. They would face difficulties like
food
 out storage if they sent their
food
 to poor
countries
 before a hurricane. Occasionally, it will underestimate its
people
’s needs. In conclusion,
this
 essay mentioned that competent
countries
, which are capable of providing relief like
food
, should help poor nations because of the moral compulsory.
Submitted by neginsepahvand on

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task achievement
Develop your arguments more fully. Provide additional reasons and examples to support your position. You mentioned the moral responsibility and the survival aspect, but elaborating on these points would create a stronger argument.
task achievement
Improve the clarity of your ideas. While you express a clear opinion, some sentences are slightly awkward and could be more concise. For instance, 'the probability of survival and reconstruction after natural disasters in poor nations will increase with rich countries’ aid' could be more directly stated.
coherence cohesion
Work on logical connections between paragraphs to enhance coherence. For example, the shift from the argument about moral responsibility to the counterargument about rich countries prioritizing their own citizens needs a smoother transition.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one idea to the next. You can use transition words like 'furthermore', 'moreover', and 'consequently' to connect your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Support each main point with specific and detailed examples. While the example of the USA and the hurricane zone is relevant, providing a wider range of examples would strengthen your argument.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your essay effectively.
complete response
Your essay addresses the prompt directly and you provide a clear position on the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Humanitarian relief
  • Infrastructure
  • Global solidarity
  • Disproportionately
  • External assistance
  • Rebuilding efforts
  • Disaster response
  • Investment in stability
  • Dependency theory
  • Responsible intervention
  • Paternalistic
  • Shared humanity
  • Sovereignty
  • Capabilities
  • Fatality rates
What to do next:
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