Gone are the days when children dreamed of becoming doctors and nurses – today’s children want to become YouTubers or vloggers. According to a survey of 1,000 children aged six to 17, more than three quarters of them say they’d consider a career in online videos. (Adapted from --DELETED LINK-- It is dangerous for kids to aspire to become a YouTube sensation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #doctors #nurses #today’s #youtubers #vloggers #survey #six #three #quarters #they’d #career #videos #link-- #kids #youtube #sensation

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

It is true that young

children

fantasized about becoming doctors, nurses and teachers

whereas

today’s

Change noun form

today

show examples

they desire to become renowned YouTubers or vloggers.

In a

Change preposition

show examples

research showed that more than

three quarters

Add a hyphen

three-quarters

show examples

of 1,000

children

aged six to 17 say they want to follow a job in online

videos

. Some people argue

that

Correct your spelling

show examples

is hazardous for them to do that. In my opinion, I partly agree with

this

view and will explain

reasons

Correct article usage

the reasons

show examples

in my essay. On the one hand, I’m convinced that becoming a

YouTuber

or vlogger brings

children

a variety of benefits. It promotes

children

's creativity and helps

children

promote many skills in life.

For example

, when creating a compelling video, we need to invest a

lot

in it and speaking skills are

also

important to get a

lot

of views.

Therefore

, To become a well-known

YouTuber

children

need to absorb a

lot

of factors and

then

when they are famous ,they have many outstanding sides.

YouTuber

is an entertainment tool, but it helps

children

make a

lot

of money when creating

videos

with thousands of views.

This

can help their parents with their expenses.

On the other hand

, I

also

believe that being a

Youtuber

Correct your spelling

YouTuber

show examples

can bring detrimental effects to

children

. On YouTube, the

videos

are very diverse, including potentially objectionable and negative

videos

. When

children

watch a variety of

videos

Change preposition

apply

show examples

it can cause them to learn from bad things and do something dangerous to their loved ones.

For example

, when watching a video troll who by fire or gasoline, they feel

interesting

Replace the word

interested

show examples

about

Change preposition

show examples

it, suddenly it is the same action to make others laugh and feel excited.

As a result

, They will be able to change in the negative direction and create

threating

Correct your spelling

threatening

actions which we cannot imagine. In conclusion, I believe that becoming

Correct article usage

a Youtubers

show examples

Youtubers

Correct your spelling

YouTubers

vloggers

Fix the agreement mistake

vlogger

show examples

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

both sides.

Children

should know what is good to do and what is bad to avoid.

Submitted by nguyenthuhien1999hn on Tue Apr 07 2020

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coherence cohesion

Ensure your introduction and conclusion summarize the main points and include your main argument

task achievement

Provide specific and relevant examples to support your points

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

320 words

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

In many countries, more and more women have full-time jobs as men. There is a logic that they should share the housework equally with men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The best way to solve the traffic and transportation problem is to encourage people to live in cities rather than suburbs or countryside. What are the effects of rapid population growth in the city? How can the quality of life city dwellers be maintain?

Global warming is one of the various climate issues. Discuss the possible causes ad offer measures to control the damage caused.

In some countries, private cars are now banned from certain city centers. What are the advantages of such a system and do you feel that this is something that most cities should adopt?