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Gone are the days when children dreamed of becoming doctors and nurses – today’s children want to become YouTubers or vloggers. According to a survey of 1,000 children aged six to 17, more than three quarters of them say they’d consider a career in online videos. (Adapted from --DELETED LINK-- It is dangerous for kids to aspire to become a YouTube sensation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #doctors #nurses #today’s #youtubers #vloggers #survey #six #three #quarters #they’d #career #videos #link-- #kids #youtube #sensation
It is true that young
children
 fantasized about becoming doctors, nurses and teachers
whereas
today’s
Change noun form
today
show examples
 they desire to become renowned YouTubers or vloggers.
In a
Change preposition
A
show examples
 research showed that more than
three quarters
Add a hyphen
three-quarters
show examples
 of 1,000
children
 aged six to 17 say they want to follow a job in online
videos
. Some people argue
that
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 is hazardous for them to do that. In my opinion, I partly agree with
this
 view and will explain
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 in my essay. On the one hand, I’m convinced that becoming a
YouTuber
 or vlogger brings
children
 a variety of benefits. It promotes
children
's creativity and helps
children
 promote many skills in life.
For example
, when creating a compelling video, we need to invest a
lot
 in it and speaking skills are
also
 important to get a
lot
 of views.
Therefore
, To become a well-known
YouTuber
,
children
 need to absorb a
lot
 of factors and
then
 when they are famous ,they have many outstanding sides.
YouTuber
 is an entertainment tool, but it helps
children
 make a
lot
 of money when creating
videos
 with thousands of views.
This
 can help their parents with their expenses.
On the other hand
, I
also
 believe that being a
Youtuber
Correct your spelling
YouTuber
show examples
 can bring detrimental effects to
children
. On YouTube, the
videos
 are very diverse, including potentially objectionable and negative
videos
. When
children
 watch a variety of
videos
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it can cause them to learn from bad things and do something dangerous to their loved ones.
For example
, when watching a video troll who by fire or gasoline, they feel
interesting
Replace the word
interested
show examples
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 it, suddenly it is the same action to make others laugh and feel excited.
As a result
, They will be able to change in the negative direction and create
threating
Correct your spelling
threatening
 actions which we cannot imagine. In conclusion, I believe that becoming
Correct article usage
a Youtubers
show examples
Youtubers
Correct your spelling
YouTubers
 or
vloggers
Fix the agreement mistake
vlogger
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 both sides.
Children
 should know what is good to do and what is bad to avoid.
Submitted by nguyenthuhien1999hn on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion summarize the main points and include your main argument
task achievement
Provide specific and relevant examples to support your points

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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