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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about the number of social networking sites people used in Canada in 2014 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information about the number of social networking sites people used in Canada in 2014 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #sites #people #canada #summarise #features #comparisons
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The bar chart gives information about the percentage of multiple social network
sites
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
used by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Canadians
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between 2014 and 2015.
Overall
, most people used one
sites
Change to a singular noun
site
show examples
 in both years. If we go to the five
sites
 we can clearly see a gradual decline
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
a percentage
show examples
 of
users
.
furthermore
number
Add an article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
one site
Add a hyphen
one-site
show examples
users
 fell,
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 the number
users
Change preposition
of users
show examples
used
Correct pronoun usage
who used
show examples
 multiple
sites
 rose in the year
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 the percentage of people to
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 used any site got down to 21% from 22% in a year,
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 the single site
users
 experienced to
downward
Add an article
a downward
show examples
 trend and they downed to 28% from 36%. Inversely
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of multiple
sites
users
 indicated an upward trend
for instance
, two
sites
users
 rose from 23% to 24%, three
sites
users
 increase to 16% from 12% with
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 incline, four
sites
users
 with a 3 % increase to 8% from 5% and five
sites
users
 rose to 4% from 2% with double the increase.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sites, users with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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